


HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT

by CrimsonEmbrace



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 16:10:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7764430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimsonEmbrace/pseuds/CrimsonEmbrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Both men are miserable, they can't see how similar their needs are, will they ever understand each other?</p>
            </blockquote>





	HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote in 2013

 

**HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT**  
  
The sunny blonde smiled happily, but inside he felt sick, always putting on a show and hiding how miserable he was.  He was loved, perhaps too much, he didn’t deserve their love.  Every relationship was the same, in the beginning he could always talk... that’s how the trouble began, the desire to have someone understand.  In the _beginning_ he could talk about the pains and fears locked inside him... but it always changed, slowly changed, the person began treating him like he was ‘ok’ now. 

 

They were in love and he was supposed to be strong, things shouldn't hurt... things shouldn't haunt _him_.  It was ok for them to have problems, fears, it was his job to be there to soothe them.  His place to help and comfort, support and care... gone were the days of being allowed to be weak, to sob and want to tear his heart out.  They became another person he loved and protected, he locked away all the damage inside and only showed them his ‘happy’ face... hid all pain and sorrow from them.  They became another person who couldn’t see him self-destructing, falling apart... sitting in the dark long into the night hating himself and crying.

 

So many times he wanted to run, to hide, to somehow escape and huddle in some protected area where he wouldn’t feel the need to bury how he felt inside.  Somewhere he could sob at the pain... howl out in anguish of his tortured mind.

 

But this time was no different than every other relationship, he sat quietly sniffling, trying not to wake his newest lover.  He could not let anyone see how broken he was... how he despaired, it would do no good, he was the ‘strong one’... always the strong protector and he wasn’t allowed this weakness anymore.  
  
  
**LONELY IN A CROWD  
**  
Sasuke presented his stoic persona, wore it like a cloak wrapped around him, people all around...  always people... talking, laughing, their lives carefree.  Standing among these people he was still alone... a shadow.  He watched his peers through eyes black as a starless sky.  It wasn’t their fault... well not exactly; they had tried to include him so many times and in the end gave up.  No one could understand the pain he felt, the empty hollow ache in his heart.  He looked out at them with an indifferent gaze, but inside he wished and hoped for someone who would see in...

 

Someone who could give him the quiet comfort, the lessening of the agony, the loving acceptance.  Someone who didn’t instantly think all his life could be changed by simply smiling and seeking to be part of the throng.  Someone who could accept that there were wounds that could never be healed only endured.  Someone who didn’t think they _needed_ to ‘mend his wounds', protect and coddle him... someone who just accepted him as he was.  
  
  
**ALONE TOGETHER**  
  
The two men sat at the mandatory function for a visiting dignitary... one enthusiastically talking with those present and one waiting for the chance to leave, both equally miserable.   Sasuke watched the gregarious and happy blonde, he told himself it was only because there was nothing else to do while he waited... but in truth there was something ‘off’ about the whiskered nin.  Even as Sasuke studied him he couldn’t place what, but it drew him.  When he saw a fair-haired figure slip out the door, unnoticed by all except for himself, Sasuke followed like a shadow.  Unlike the gorgeous blue-eyed man; there would be no one looking for him, no one asking where he went.  


\--

  
Naruto teased and gushed... put on his usual show, but tonight he felt the despair deep within scratching to be let out and the effort was nearly too much.  At the first opportunity, when everyone’s attention turned to other things.  Naruto drifted back, edging out of the crowd and when not noticed quickly slipped out the door.  He would have time; everyone would assume he’d gone to talk with someone else... or to get food and his current lover was happily flirting with another Jounin.  It wouldn’t be enough time, but it would have to do.  In the velvet black darkness Naruto sprang up into a tree, he couldn’t take the chance someone would see him and this brief moment would be taken from him.  Sitting alone in the waning heat of the summer evening Naruto gave in to quiet tears.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke stood outside the building door, for a moment it seemed he’d lost Naruto.  It took several minutes to locate the motionless Nin and it was only because he knew the other man was present that he found him.  Sasuke slipped closer, careful to not make a sound and paused just outside the range for his enigmatic peer to be able to sense his chakra.  Straining his ears he could hear what he first mistook for a sigh, then he realized it was a raggedly drawn breath... like someone who’d been crying hard would make.  Even though his chakra maybe sensed Sasuke couldn’t resist edging closer.  Why would the vibrant man be crying out here... alone?  It was bewildering, it was as if he was trying to hide his sadness... was this the same comical, frolicsome person that had just been inside conversing with such zealous enthusiasm?  


\--

  
Naruto didn’t have to hear him, he could feel the others presence and reined in his sorrow, drawing a few uneven breaths as he tried to calm himself.  Wiping the damp from his cheeks he just waited.  They would speak, they always did, and he would give his standard witty reply.  It was an act he had done so often that he didn't even need to think about it... feigning embarrassment and claiming one of the foods had ‘upset his stomach’ and he was sparing all inside the ‘toxic fumes’ he was ‘releasing’ in the fresh air outside.  

 

After several seconds the person still hadn’t spoke and Naruto was about to just hop down and return inside when his raven-haired former teammate silently sat beside him, just out of his reach if Naruto had wished to touch him.  Sasuke didn’t say anything, didn’t even glance his way just looked cryptically up at the dark sky, his face as distant as it had been since the day Naruto first met him.  


\--

  
Sasuke wasn’t sure why he’d hopped up, why he’d chosen to sit with the unnaturally solemn blonde.  As he sat staring up into the sky, he continued musing on the subject.  Naruto had looked as if he’d been ready to leave, but his posture was now relaxed.  Although his peer didn’t smile, he didn’t cry either and strangely the thought that his presence was somehow a comfort to the handsome Jounin brought Sasuke a slight pleasure.  As they sat silently looking up into the dark sky he felt a contentment that he hadn’t felt in many years.

 

\--  
  
The serenity of the soft rustle of the tall grass in the slight wind and cooling night air lulled Naruto.  The pressure free quiet companionship was like a balm and the torturous wraiths that ravaged him calmed.

 

They remained like this for as long as he could, until Naruto finally could not stay a moment longer without risking his lover or someone from the party would come looking for him.  He rose and, as if a reflection of him, Sasuke rose as well.  Never once did the inscrutable fair skinned Nin look at him, he simply disappeared into the trees.  Naruto shook his head in confusion then placed those questions aside; it was time to resume his part... the jester of the court.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke slipped in the window of his room.  He didn’t have to, no one else was here it was simply habit.  As he lay alone on his bed looking at the ceiling his mind dwelled on the soft even sound of the blonde’s breaths as he had sat beside him, the subtle warm soothing smell of the other man’s skin.  His eyes grew heavy and he drifted in to the first peaceful slumber he’d had in weeks.  
  
  
**STANDING STILL WHILE GOING FORWARD**  
  
Just over a week had passed since that unusual night that Sasuke had sat beside him watching the starless heavens.  Naruto had ceased trying to understand why he done that and simply accepted that it probably wasn’t something he’d ever know.

 

His lover’s increasingly sullen behavior had signaled the impending end of another relationship... they all 'loved him', but everyone had been unwilling to stay once the thrill wore off.  The security they’d craved, that they _required_ , was suddenly too suffocating.  

 

Naruto smiled and reassured his now ex-lover once more that he wasn’t ‘angry’, that he understood his lover’s 'need to date other people’... that they could ‘remain friends’.  The words were always the same, both theirs and his own... like his life was a endless loop.  The lean Nin’s worried brown eyes met his once more, “You know I’ll always love you.”

 

Naruto’s lips formed a reassuring smile that was as false as his words, “I know. It’s ok.”  With a final kiss the man was gone, just like all the others before him.  Naruto sank down on the couch, no longer having to feign acceptance he sighed wearily as he stared at the dark wood of the door.  He could faintly hear music coming from one of the nearby apartments, but it didn’t intrude on his thoughts.

 

“One day I’ll find you...” he whispered softly to himself.  Who the person was he didn’t know, but there was someone out there for him.  He had to believe it, to do otherwise would be to accept he’d be alone the rest of his life, only a series of meaningless relationships to ease the loneliness.  That thought made his heart hurt so much it was nearly unbearable.  No, someone was out there, someone had to be.  Someone who could accept and love him, someone with who he could be himself... happy, sad... even cry and they would accept his emotions, not believe his problems should suddenly disappear once they were in love.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke stared coldly at the jovial Nin; he had endured a 3 day mission with the deplorable being, now it was over.  Undeterred the stocky man continued. “Come on, lighten up!  Come have a drink... I’ll even buy.”

 

Sasuke’s reply was brief, “No.”  Then he turned and walked away from the stunned Jounin without further word.  He realized many of his peers celebrated a mission completed successfully, the thought was ludicrous.  Why celebrate something that was your job, they were expected to complete the missions successfully, it shouldn’t be a cause for revelry that they had.

 

Solemnly Sasuke walked into his ancestral home listening to the echo of his steps through the empty building.  He felt a brief flash of self-recrimination, he’d done it again... rejected companionship.  It wasn’t really that he wished to be alone, he just wished it wasn’t expected for him to suddenly become this buoyant congenial man... to laugh and crack jokes... tell stories and engage in festivities.

 

No one would know it, but he actually enjoyed it when two of his partners on a mission would lazily trade stories as they relaxed in front of a fire at night.  The dark gave it all a sense of peace and companionship, although he wasn’t actively interacting with them it was the time when he felt closest to his fellow Nin.  Sasuke shook his head; that was truly the only time he enjoyed the presence of others.

 

\--  
  
Naruto could have stayed home, no one was there, he could have... but he hadn’t.  In hopes of easing his sadness he had climbed to the top of the Hokage’s memorial, just as he always had as a child.  Now he was wondering why he’d thought it was a good idea, looking down on the village he felt his isolation more than ever.  And his memories of the pain and loneliness he’d felt so many other times sitting in this very spot only weighed his mood down further.

  
\--

  
Sasuke walked through the village, although he wouldn’t go to drink with his peers he couldn’t bear the solitude of his home.  So he walked through the village, watching the families, the children laughing, their world carefree... just as his had been so long ago.  He missed the brother he had once known; the one who adored him, teased him and protected him.  In just that one night everything had changed, although he now knew the reason his brother had done it, it was of no consolation, he was still alone... the last of his clan...

 

\--  
  
Naruto looked up into the night sky, tonight there were stars, but it wouldn’t have made any difference if the heavens were black as coal.  His heart was a yawning empty space devoid of hope.. it was how he felt inside and unbidden the tears slipped down his cheeks as he looked down at the villagers... the families, loving fathers and mothers... bickering siblings that truly loved each other...   
  
  
**THE PAST IN THE FUTURE**  
  
Sasuke’s aimless, despondent wandering continued until he found himself near the Nin Academy.  Sasuke studied the building, but his thoughts were in the past.  Things were bleak even then, but he’d had hope.  He’d placed everything on killing Itachi... his whole world would suddenly be ‘ok’, he wouldn’t hurt any more... but it was a child’s dream.  Sasuke looked up at the Hokage Monument, knowing all he knew now he could never look at it the same.

 

Sasuke sighed, he may as well go home, this ‘walk’ was not helping the ache of his isolation, and the distance he felt from all around him.  Sasuke’s gaze swept over the monument once more, this time his eyes focused on the one difference... there was someone sitting on the Second Hokage’s hitai-ate.  Sasuke only knew one man that would ‘desecrate’ the images by using them as a perch.  Although Sasuke didn’t find the man’s presence on the monument offensive, many did, as a child the reckless spiky haired blonde had gotten in serious trouble several times about it.

 

Sasuke found himself moving toward the monument without thought, Naruto had sat up there when he was hurt... everyone had known the energetic boy was suffering, but no one had cared... even Sasuke himself. Wrapped up in his own grief he never gave thought to anyone around him.

 

\--  
  
Naruto saw Sasuke looking up, but he knew the reserved Jounin was just looking at the monument, nothing more... Still the sight of Sasuke helped break him free of the sucking despair of his own memories.  

 

Naruto had seen the pale boy many times as a small child; he’d ‘known’ him before the tragic end of his family.  He’d always watch the two brothers, Itachi teasing Sasuke and wished it were him.  He had begged the heavens that a ‘long lost’ sibling would come looking for him... a half brother or sister that wanted him.  He would have been glad just to have a brother or sister and it would have been fine that he had no parents... but no one came and that naive dream died.

 

Sasuke had that love, the family Naruto had desired... and had lost them, that was worse than never knowing that love at all.  Now he understood, knew the horror of that loss, even now Jiraiya's death continued hurting just as greatly as if it had just happened.  Now he understood Sasuke's despair, the hopelessness of knowing what you had is gone.  Naruto sighed, he hadn’t even tried to help Sasuke, he had left him alone just like everyone else... Left him all alone in his pain.  The stoic man stood looking up at the monument a moment more then turned and walked away.  Naruto watched him go until he was behind the shops of the village, then rose and started home himself.  
  
  
**CROWDED IN AN EMPTY ROOM**  
  
Why he’d gave in and allowed his co-worker to ‘buy him a drink’ after their mission had less to do with the need to socialize than the desire not to return to the haunted shell of the Uchiha complex.  This evening was so like the one that had ended his innocence and lead to the bleak life he lived now.  Sasuke watched the flirtatious nin; emotionlessly he studied the dense man… until the fool made the nearly deadly mistake of touching him.  Only the thought of what Tsunade would do to him kept Sasuke from snapping his neck and with rigid control he settled on dislocating the now prone man’s shoulder.  No one touched him… ever.

 

\--  
  
Naruto stood just outside his apartment door and sighed wearily, his lover would not understand why he was depressed... It was something so trivial, unnoticeable to most; a Jounin and his Genin team walking back from training, the young nin laughing and excited.  It was a reminder of the days so long ago when he’d had finally got his first, although dysfunctional, ‘family’ in Kakashi, Sasuke and Sakura… then lost that stability… gained it in Jiraiya only to lose it once more.

 

Drawing a deep breath to control his emotions Naruto dried his tears, then forced a smile to his lips as he walked in the door.  But his attempt at hiding his pain didn’t matter, his lover was oblivious to him.  He walked past the lounging nin, into the bathroom, and stood looking in the mirror… his red eyes full of misery was unimportant… running cold water over his wrists gave him the distraction he needed.  Returning to the main room and setting his keys down, his partner looked up with an expectant smile. “I’m starving!”

 

It was clear what response he desired, Naruto faked a lighthearted smile and replied as was presumed he would, “I’ll make breakfast.”

 

Uma grinned as he got up from the couch and wandered back to the bedroom, probably to get dressed or shower.  Never once did it occur to him that Naruto wouldn’t do it, it was expected, he would make breakfast as always without protest.  


\--

  
Sasuke sat just outside the village, he’d been watching a team of Genin train with their squad leader… much like he, Naruto and Sakura had so many years ago.  He had no idea at the time that those would actually be good memories one day.  Now the training area lay empty, but he was in no hurry to go anywhere; the only place he could have gone was back to his house.  The bar was now off limits to him even if he had wished to return and the Hokage had put him on ‘leave’ for a few days after the ‘incident in the bar’.  Morosely lost in his thoughts, Sasuke watched the sun rise without interest, he'd seen too many sun rises after sleepless nights to have this one make any difference.

 

\--  
  
Naruto began cleaning the kitchen, gathering the remaining dishes of the last nights meal and the dishes from the other man’s snacks to wash as he cooked.  He remembered all the times he’d resented ‘having to cook’ on his Genin missions and wishing he’d known then how much he would miss those days.

 

Uma returned with a carefree smile, now dressed he sat on the stool by the counter, watching and occasionally swiping bacon from the pan as it cooked. Once done with his breakfast, his partner  sprawled casually on the couch once more, turning on the TV and watching it through half closed eyes.  Naruto had tried asking for help once or twice, but the protested response that he received, _'I would only get in the way…'  'I don’t know how…'_ made it clear that if he got any help it would be done poorly and with resentment.  Further attempts seemed foolish, so Naruto continued cleaning alone.  When it was time for Uma to go to desk duty he yawned and frowned, “I’m so tired… I wish I could stay here with you.”

 

 

‘ _With him_ ’, Naruto forced a small smile, “Yes, that would be nice…”  He knew very soon it would be over and another lover would leave him, Uma was getting bored.  
  
  
**LISTENING TO THE SILENCE**  
  
After a night full of ‘tearful good-byes’, he now endured a brief about the importance of positive relations with the Leaf village allies, more specifically the Sand village.  It was not how Naruto had wanted to start his day and yet here he was, along with a large group of disgruntled Nin.  All because one Leaf Nin couldn’t hold his liquor and spouted off to a higher-ranking Sand village Nin.  As he drifted in he spotted Sasuke, the bench around him was empty as if the other nin were avoiding him.  It was just a coincidence, but it was one Naruto made use of.  

 

As he sat he studied the dispassionate nin, everyone thought Sasuke callous... cold, but when Naruto looked in Sasuke’s eyes he felt a deep connection, he always had.  Hidden beneath the haughty looks and indifference Naruto could see the plea, the longing for something more, someone to help him leave that empty place inside.  The powerful need for someone to draw him out and show him how to see the beauty all around him.  He understood that need... and that loneliness.

 

Naruto solemnly studied the silent... isolated man, Sasuke was as separate from the group of Nin’s as he’d have been if he’d been alone in a forest.  He shifted a bit closer to Sasuke, pretending to make more room on the bench for the other Nin.  Sasuke stiffened and then relaxed as if accepting the closer contact reluctantly, but Naruto wasn’t fooled, Sasuke had relaxed even more than he had been before he'd moved...  Sasuke wanted the closeness but couldn’t admit his need, had this been the reason he’d sat beside him in the tree so many nights ago?

 

\--  
  
Sasuke watched Naruto shift closer, he wanted to draw away, but the vibrant blond drew him.  Something about the amazing man made Sasuke _want_ to let his guard down... to be free to feel, to feel _anything_ without having to guard himself, but too many years had passed and it was just not something he could do.  

 

He’d lost so much more than his clan all those years ago... he’d lost hope... he lost peace and innocence.  But most of all he'd lost the ability to bond and dream of a future where he was loved and could love once more.  As the briefing concluded and everyone dispersed Sasuke could feel the warm blue eyes watching him.  Sasuke hesitated, reluctant to walk away, but then turned and did although he could still feel Naruto’s gaze until he was out of the room.  
  
**  
AN IMPORTANT WASTE OF TIME**  
  
Naruto was exhausted as he walked into Lady Tsunade’s office, and he wondered how much of it was physical and how much was emotional, it had been a ‘bad’ night filled with haunting memories and tears.  Naruto grinned as he entered, hiding his weariness under his everyday bubbly cheerfulness, no one ever looked beyond that to see the pain he held inside.  The only other person in the room was Sasuke and he gave his peer a friendly wave, which Sasuke ignored as usual.

 

“Grandma Tsunade!” Naruto teased.

 

She gave a phony scowl and growled, “Now don’t be starting that... I have a mission for you two.”

 

Naruto was surprised; Lady Tsunade always sent them out in 3 man teams for missions. “So it’s just me and Sasuke?”

 

The buxom blonde quirked an eyebrow and replied dryly, “On this mission two men will be sufficient, and I can’t spare anyone else.”

 

Sasuke nodded, Naruto gave his normal playful grin and teased, “It’s not an important mission so you thought of me?”

 

The Hokage smirked, “Who else?”

 

\--  
  
Sasuke watched the playful banter with an emotionless gaze, but inside he was a bit envious.  Naruto had a natural ability to make anyone like him, there was something special about him... he connected with everyone.  Even as a Chuunin on the same team Sasuke himself had found it hard to resist liking him, although he'd tried very hard to.  Naruto’s faith in him had given him the strength to return to the Leaf Village and face the anger and distrust until he could earn their trust once more.  He still wasn’t sure the Hokage trusted him, he was always without exception paired with at least two other nin on every mission... not too unusual, except one of which was always a senior Jounin.

 

\--  
  
Naruto laughed at her playful mocking taunts; Iruka and Lady Tsunade were as close to having a family as Naruto probably would ever get, his biggest fear was losing them like he’d lost Jiraiya.  It still hurt to think of him, they’d shared a bond that had been deeper than any other he’d ever known, Jiraiya had been the ‘big brother’ Naruto had always dreamed about...

 

Naruto forced his thoughts away from Jiraiya; it was hard to even fake a smile when his heart still hurt so much. His efforts to hide his thoughts were useless with Lady Tsunade and he could see in her eyes the knowledge... and the agreement with his grief, she hadn’t stopped mourning Jiraiya either.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke could feel the deeper current of strong emotion that lay hidden beneath the two friends’ words and waited solemnly until Lady Tsunade shifted her attention to him and held out the scroll, “It’s to Bird Country. The scroll isn’t as important as the chance to visit their country, we haven’t been allowed that privilege more than a handful of times, so be on your best behavior.” Sasuke nodded and took the scroll.  
  
Naruto took the opportunity to get in a few last jabs about her lack of trust in giving the scroll to Sasuke, but they felt forced, like they were just going through the expected series of behaviors. 

 

\--

 

As they left the office Naruto felt the pull of his sorrow drawing at him and firmly suppressed it, this was not the time or the place.  His emotionless peer looked over at Naruto and simply said, “Front gate 15 minutes?”   

 

He seemed as indifferent as always and yet Naruto could swear there was understanding in his gaze.  Naruto nodded, both knew it would not take that long, they had no loved ones or family for them to inform of their absence.  Naruto was sure Sasuke would be already packed and ready for a mission just as he was.  Still both agreed to the standard prep. time.

 

\--

  
Sasuke walked briskly away, no need to waist chakra on a transportation jutsu; he had more than enough time.  During his brief walk he had time to analyze their mission to the little known country, which ultimately led to speculation about Naruto.  What was it about him?  It felt like those stunning blue eyes looked right past his shields into the pain within his soul.  It should have been uncomfortable and made him feel defensive, but oddly it didn’t.

 

His arrival at his house put an end to his errant thoughts and he concentrated on the mission once more... why him and Naruto?  Was Lady Tsunade really so short of Nin that it was necessary or was this her way of letting him know he’d earned her trust once more?

 

\--  
  
Naruto walked in to his apartment grabbed his bag from beside the door and started down the stairs once more.  A mission with Sasuke, this ought to be a quiet one, he’d learned years ago to refrain from his usual witty banter since it was received with looks of blatant annoyance by the stoic Nin.  That was fine he wasn’t up to his customary antics, he wasn’t sure why but his most recent lover’s abandonment had hurt more than the others.  When he arrived at the gate Sasuke was also just arriving and without exchanging a word they started out the gate.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke withheld a sigh once more.  There was definitely something eating away at Naruto, the energetic nin was withdrawn, he made no effort to talk or joke... and even worse somehow was the fact he hadn’t smiled, not even once since they’d met at the gate.

 

Sasuke would never do it, but he felt a strong urge to ask Naruto about it.  It wasn’t his business so he didn’t... still the unnatural silence was almost haunting.  Only one more day until they arrived at the village, then deliver the scroll, exchange a few ‘pleasantries’... definitely a job for Naruto... and after a night in town they’d start back.

 

\--  
  
Naruto watched the raven-haired man leap through the trees; it beat thinking of his latest relationships end... or how much he missed Jiraiya.  If he’d only known how short a time they’d have together...

 

Naruto ripped his thoughts off those recriminations, focusing on Sasuke once more.  He could swear he had seen concern in Sasuke’s dark eyes when they’d stopped for a brief break.  Although he and Sasuke had an unusual sort of ‘friendship’, the reserved man was not the type to share thoughts... or express feelings... He must have been mistaken.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke signaled a stop for the night, Naruto was making no effort to take lead on this mission, leaving Sasuke call the breaks and stops.  He had a feeling that if he hadn’t called breaks or a stop for the night the whisker-marked Nin would have continued leaping through the trees until exhaustion forced him to stop.  Naruto quietly pitched his tent then wandered out of camp to gather wood.  

 

Sasuke watched him as they set up camp, even obviously depressed, there was just something entrancing about him.  The clear honest blue eyes so accepting and, although he’d rather not admit it even to himself, the burnished tan of the other man’s skin and hard lean muscles as he stripped down to his t-shirt made Sasuke’s body heat.  But relationships were not something for him.

 

\--  
  
Naruto stripped down to his t-shirt, it was a warm night and they were in ‘friendly territories’ still he kept a few of his weapons stashed around in various pockets and hidden sheaths on his body.  Sasuke had placed large flat stones around the edge of the fire for cooking and was starting the campfire with the wood he’d provided.

 

Naruto knew, from having been on many missions together, that his teammate preferred fish to small game and he remembered seeing a marshy area off to the side as they approached this area.  He headed for it and easily located it... the smell alone would have led him there, Naruto studied the slightly murky water, then lashed a kunai to the end of a strong straight branch and wadded out into the cloudy water.

 

Once he got his timing down he easily speared several carp, tossing them up on the shore until he had enough.  He would smoke the extras so they could be taken along as supplemental rations.  Walking back into camp Naruto left the fish by the fire, stripped his shirt off and hung it on a branch before rummaging around in his pack for a dry pants and shirt.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke quietly prepared the fish and laid them on the flat rocks to cook; when he looked up he saw the gold toned skin of his peer's back was covered in black lines... leaches.  Harmless, but annoying. “Naruto you’re covered in leaches.”

 

Naruto frowned, glancing back over his shoulder and managing to remove a few, but it was clear the rest were not able to be removed by the blonde.  Sasuke waved him over and Naruto gave him a long enigmatic stare, then walked over and crouched facing away from him.  Sasuke began removing them and tossing them into the flames.

 

\--  
  
The feel of Sasuke's fingers roaming softly over his back brought a feeling of tranquility, Naruto closed his eyes, the brush of nimble fingers lulling him.  At this moment Naruto felt more at ease than he’d felt in the company of another since his time with Jiraiya... Naruto’s eyes opened, the pain was like someone squeezed his heart and he drew deep breaths holding back the flood of emotion.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke had felt his peer's muscles loosen, and his breathing calm... but then was startled enough to gasp as Naruto’s body leapt like he’d woke suddenly from a bad dream.  He could feel the blonde Nin’s body tremble lightly under his fingers, the leaches were gone with this last one he’d removed and he drew his hand back.

 

Naruto rose without looking back he announced, “I’m going to turn in; I’m too tired to eat.”  Sasuke was not fooled, he could hear the slight rasp in his voice; Naruto was trying to hold back tears.  As the lean form slipped into his tent, Sasuke heard him murmur, “Sorry.”

 

\--  
  
Naruto sat in the safety of his tent, looking at the blank sides with unfocused eyes as he remembered learning the Rassengun... how Jiraiya had left him alone to learn, knowing that he  would try harder on his own than if he stayed.  He could still see his face, how proud he was when he saw he'd done it and how he bought them both ice pops after... he hadn't had an ice pop since the day he'd heard he died...

 

Naruto wiped at his eyes, this was not the place for these thoughts; not during a mission he chastised himself.  Sasuke had made a meal, during a mission it was important to keep your energy up... he had to go eat, not sulk here and drown himself in his sorrow.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke watched Naruto’s tent as he puzzled on his teammate's sudden mood change and hasty departure.  What had happened?  His contemplation of the tent and speculation was interrupted as Naruto reemerged from his tent with a very forced sheepish grin, “Guess I’m hungry after all...”

 

Sasuke just nodded, it wasn't hunger that had made him return, Naruto was clearly making himself eat.  Sasuke lifted a cooked fish from the hot rock, placed it on a plate and handed it to his companion as the fair-haired Nin sat. Naruto had never put a shirt back on so Sasuke was left looking at the tawny sun-kissed skin, he caught himself and focused on his meal, but he dwelled on the memory of the toned chest... how unlike his own, lightly browned while he was a almost glowing white tone... it was a trait of his bloodline, he’d never tan.

  
The reminder of his differences brought a surge of familiar pain, he was the only one... there was no clan, only him... there was no bloodline, not anymore, when he died it would end.  Although he’d returned to the Leaf Village Sasuke had stopped trying to find the person he once was… there wasn’t even a trace of that boy he’d once been, it was like it had been someone else's life, he couldn’t remember his parent's faces anymore… the sounds of their voices, all that was gone as if in a cloud that had drifted away... he was completely alone.    


\--

  
Naruto subtly watched his teammate, anything to distract himself from the crushing despair pooled inside him.  Sasuke was sad, it wouldn’t be evident to anyone else but ever since their Chuunin days Naruto had been able to read him when he wasn’t on guard.  He didn’t know what to do to help, Sasuke wouldn’t like if he tried to pry, but he hated seeing one of his oldest friends hurting.  Naruto set his empty plate on the ground beside him and looked into the fire, “I remember this time...”

 

\--  
  
Sasuke looked up at Naruto, broken out of his painful memories, but the introspective man was not watching him.  His peer's brilliant blue eyes watched the fire as he spoke, the calm easy tone as he told his story about a mission was a blessing.  It was like Naruto was telling his story to another person, or reminiscing aloud... he did not watch Sasuke for a reaction or look for input.

 

It was like he was listening to his other teammates trading stories before the fire... only this time it was meant for him.  Sasuke relaxed as he realized he wasn’t being asked for conversation or even a visible reaction.  Naruto was offering this... not even expecting to be acknowledged, not asking for anything and that made it even more special... a gift.

 

\--  
  
The rest of the evening passed without incident, after telling his story about a interesting discovery he and his team made on the way back from Sand a few years ago, Sasuke looked as at peace as one could expect of someone who carried great tragedy and grief locked within him.

 

Sasuke smothered the fire and without word they went to their tents for the night.  Naruto fell asleep easily, but his dreams were odd.  Not troubling... not exactly, but strange and confusing.  When he woke in the morning all he could remember was that he’d been hurt and then a coal black bird flew down; after an enigmatic look it hopped over and perched on his shoulder.  The reason it was so very weird is he could swear the bird had 'absorbed' his pain, as it did its black color lightened to a white so intense it was it wasn’t a color so much as an absolute void of color... it should have felt cold and empty, but he felt comforted by it.  


\--

  
Sasuke opened his eyes to the lightening gray of early sunrise.  His lone blanket was twisted and he could feel the salt of his tears drawing his skin taut, almost angrily he wiped at the marks down his face.  His dream fading slowly, it wasn’t any different than any other morning for the last few years.  Often the dream would end with a crow that watched him as he wept in anguish... The dark eyes full of the love his brother had for him until the very end...no matter how hard he tried to get close to the crow it was always the same distance away, he'd wake in frustration and tears, desperate to touch it... desperate to feel Itachi's love again.  The nightmares had started to come more and more frequent until now they came nightly.  He sighed wearily and rose packing his bedding and then going out to collapse his tent.

 

\--  
  
Naruto saw the exhaustion on Sasuke’s face as he walked out of his tent, the grim man began breaking down his tent without even a glance over to see if Naruto had rose.  He looked lost in thought and from the bleak expression on his unguarded face it was clear those thoughts were as dark as the midnight blackness of his hair.  Naruto finished packing at about the same time as his peer and at Sasuke’s glance simply nodded in reply to the unspoken question.  Sasuke took to the trees and Naruto followed, watching his fellow Nin avidly anything to keep himself from dwelling on his own life, not wanting to disturb the empty hollowness that dwelled within him and eased his grief.  


\--

  
Naruto hadn’t said a single word since the night before, during their short rest break, Sasuke almost broke the unnatural quiet but in the end couldn’t find anything to say and then the moment had passed and they resumed their travels.  

 

The surrounding forest grew lush; the faint smell of mid-summer flowers blooming laced the air as they reached the grasslands before the village, the picturesque river snaking lazily through the land as if in no hurry to reach its destination.  It should have been breathtaking but neither man was in the mood to admire the beauty.  


\--

  
Naruto and Sasuke walked across the field bordering the village the elegant architecture of the ornamental gate spoke of a town unplagued by war... as did the complete lack of guards.  The two men walked down the main road unhindered despite their atypical dress and their obvious origin of a land not commonly seen in the village.  The streets had a festive air and for a moment Naruto wished Lady Tsunade had sent a Nin who could appreciate the rare opportunity, he would not be participating in any of the activities not required for their mission and he was certain Sasuke would have no inclination to either.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke watched the people; the relaxed ease of which they went about their day, the carefree frivolity of the young it was obvious the village had never known the hardships of war. Their arrival and stroll through the administration building met with no more interest than their walk through the town had and Sasuke could only feel a slight contempt at their carelessness.  One day war would come to this town and not a single one would be ready, they’d be slaughtered like... like his clan.  The morose Nin’s feelings of contempt faded and he felt a deep sorrow; the children would face a future that would be bleak and troubled if any survived at all.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke's face displayed nothing, but Naruto knew his thoughts, he was certain they mirrored his own looking upon the naive innocence of the people.  The two Leaf Nin’s progress was unhindered all the way up to the point of their entrance to the Daimyou Toki’s office; only there did anyone question their presence.

 

“May I help you...? Leaf...” The last word was spoken as inquiry by the elderly man.  Sasuke nodded and the man continued, in a formal dignified tone. “How may we help the fine Shinobi of the Leaf village?”   
  
A melodic feminine voice broke the elder’s inquiry, “I am expecting them Toriyama, although they are a day early.”

 

\--

 

The aged gentleman stepped back, giving a slight bow as they passed, before leaving them with the small countries leader.  Sasuke was not surprised to find it was a woman, but he was at her age, she looked no older than himself.  Attaining this high of a position at such a young age...

 

Toki Oowashi gave a small smile seeming to know his thoughts she humbly explained, “I attained the title with the Leaf Village’s help after the murder of my father and brother.  I will always be in your villages’ debt for their aide at such a ‘difficult’ time.”

 

Her gaze turned to rest on Naruto for several minutes and although she said ‘difficult’ it was clear she meant horrible.  Sasuke could still see the sorrow in her eyes at the loss of her family, a feeling he understood too well.

 

Naruto smiled happily, “Toki, it’s good to see you again!”  Bubbly enthusiasm welled from the gregarious energetic blonde once more and Sasuke briefly wondered how often his cheer was faked.

 

“Please, come, sit.” She invited, gesturing at the expensive chairs that over looked the Wataridori Lake and the beginning of an idealic sunset.  

 

\--

 

Naruto could see the country had greatly prospered under the young Daimyou’s leadership and the sound guidance of her advisors.  He gave a happy grin that, for once, he didn’t need to force. “Toki the village looks wonderful!”

 

Toki gave him a humble smile as they sat, “It would not have had we not had your...” The dark-haired girl’s attention shifted to Sasuke as she caught her error correcting, “The Leaf village’s help.”  Politely she continued, “We of Bird Country are honored by your visit.”

 

\--  
  
Sasuke replied equally formally, “The Leaf village values this opportunity to further relations with your land.  Lady Tsunade sent this scroll...” Sasuke offered the ornamental scroll, probably little more than a greeting and show of appreciation for the allowance of this visit, and the chance to initiate trade talks.

 

As the waning light dimmed the room Toki rose and, with a hopeful look at Naruto and Sasuke, she offered, “I have kept you so late; it is nearly time for evening meal. You must come dine with me.”

 

Naruto gave a surprised laugh and objected, “We haven’t bathed and have yet to find quarters for the night.”

 

The congenial leader was not to be dissuaded, “You will stay in the guest quarters of the Daimyou Compound.”

 

\--  
  
With a thankful grin Naruto accepted, “I’m sure both Sasuke and I would appreciate it.”

 

Naruto looked askance at his reserved teammate who gave a nod and agreed, “We would like that Daimyou Oowashi.”

 

She gave a pleased smile, "I will have Toriyama show you to your quarters.” The dignified elder appeared as if he’d been waiting all along, and perhaps he had, the Daimyou was a valued leader of their country and one could not dismiss the man simply because of his advanced years. Sasuke and Naruto followed the aide from the room and down a series of halls until they arrived at what was obviously the guest suite.

 

\--  
  
“This will be your suite.” The man stated, stopping before a door with an elaborate scrolled design that reminded Sasuke of a crow.  The man looked at Naruto and opened the door for him, on it was a elaborate scrolled design that for some reason reminded Sasuke of a crow.  

 

As the man swung the door open Sasuke noted that it was a very large quarters, a true suite with several rooms.  Although only one bedroom, the living room was spacious and the couch looked very comfortable.  Naruto entered and Sasuke didn’t know what came over him but he found himself stating, “We will only need this one suite.”

 

The elderly man nodded and bowed, “If there is anything you need, please ask one of the young assistants in the hall, we are honored to have your presence.  The evening meal is at 19:00 in the dining hall at the end of the left corridor.”  With that said he turned and left back the way they’d come.

 

\--  
  
Naruto’s head whipped back towards the door in shock, Sasuke had chosen to stay here with him?!  Not that he had any objection to the company, but it wasn’t like Sasuke to want companionship.  His teammate usually preferred as much ‘distance’ as possible from his peers, even his friends... friend.  Sasuke had not allowed anyone to 'befriend him'... besides himself and even with him it was stiff and formal.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke saw the way Naruto’s head had snapped back towards him when he had stated he would stay here in this suite, perhaps the normally outgoing blonde wanted to be alone.  Sasuke felt a wave of unease, which he hid beneath a deadpan front. “I didn’t ask you, would you prefer I get another room?”

 

Naruto looked flustered, not reluctant, more like thrown for a loop, “No... I don’t mind.”

 

Sasuke nodded and concealed his relief by turning to place his pack beside the now closed door. He wasn’t sure why, but the thought of Naruto wanting him to go had distressed him a great deal.   


\--

  
Sasuke had turned and was digging through his pack, Naruto continued to watch him a moment more before realizing he was still standing in the middle of the room with all his gear on. “So... did you want the bed?”

 

Sasuke didn’t turn but his reply was clear, “No the couch will do... thank you.”

 

Naruto nodded numbly, too dazed by the odd path this day had taken to realize Sasuke would not see his nod, then turned and wandered into the bedroom.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke tried to clear his mind and just concentrate on getting his toiletries and fresh clothes from his pack, but the fact he’d done this surprised him as much as it did Naruto.   He head shook and  tried to dismiss it, it wasn’t important and he needed to get cleaned and changed before evening meal.  Picking up his small stack of toiletries and necessities, he rose and looked for the bathing room.  There was no doubt a suite as large as this one would have one, but after a quick look around Sasuke concluded it must attach to the bedroom.  He knocked softly on the bedroom door and a low muffled greeting answered, “Come in.”

 

\--  
  
Naruto heard the knock on the door and called out, although he’d began undressing he didn’t hesitate to tell his friend to enter.  He knew Sasuke had seen his bare chest before and probably much more, so felt no need to cover himself and continued to search for his missing toothbrush.  The door opened and although Naruto heard his friend enter, it was clear the dark haired man had stopped just inside the doorway.  Naruto rose and looked back; the undisguised loneliness on his companion’s face was almost heart breaking. He resisted the urge to go over and hug Sasuke; the obvious longing on the often unexpressive face spoke of too long without comfort.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke entered and glanced over at Naruto, who was still rummaging through his pack, although now stripped down to only his boxers.  His blonde peer glanced back; the complete openness of his expression gave a feeling of familiarity, of domesticity... trust and acceptance.  Sasuke glanced away; the sensation was little more than a fantasy, a lie he tried to embrace, he’d never know that kind of close relationship.  He'd been solitary so long that he didn’t think he knew how to have a relationship... he didn’t even know how to be a friend.  It was at times like this that he felt his self imposed isolation the most.

 

\--  
  
When Sasuke averted his face Naruto sighed softly.  How long had it been?  How long had his peer been completely emotionally sealed off from everyone?  Surely he'd had lovers, no one could stand to have been alone for all these years, and yet Naruto couldn’t place a single person male or female that had been steadily beside him... ever.

 

Perhaps Sasuke had been careful to remain discrete about his companions... yes, that must be it and yet deep inside Naruto knew it wasn’t true.  While he’d been lamenting his fate his friend had been completely alone, shame washed through him at the knowledge.  He hadn’t changed a bit, still so selfishly involved in his own life that he ignored the pain of one of his oldest friends.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke could feel Naruto’s gaze, the air of concern he emit... quickly Sasuke suppressed all emotion, looking back at him indifferently and in a deadpan tone explained, “The bedroom has the only access to the bathroom.”

 

Naruto nodded mutely before silently returning to digging through his pack.  Sasuke continued into the bathroom and closed the door, he leaned against the counter a moment looking at the door.  Naruto filled him with so many confusing emotions; desires he hadn’t felt in years, if at all... but most of all the yearning for a tender touch from someone who cared...

 

Sasuke gave a self disgusted sigh, those thoughts were foolish, that just wasn’t possible.  He turned from the door and walked over to start the shower.

 

 

**BLIND INSIGHT**  
  
The evening meal had went well; Naruto was sure they had done a great job at representing the Leaf Village, not that he’d had any doubt that they would.  With Sasuke’s aristocratic, cultured behavior and his own attempts at witty conversation they had kept the Daimyo and her council both entertained and impressed.

 

\--  
  
They had completed their mission, but Sasuke felt no more enthusiasm about returning to Konoha than staying in Bird Country.  It didn’t matter where he was, it changed nothing.  As Sasuke walked quietly back to the suite beside his blonde teammate his thoughts turned from the mission to Naruto.  He just couldn’t figure him out, the bubbly cheerful humor he emitted only moments before was now gone like a door had shut upon it.  The charismatic Nin now looked buried in grave thought.

 

\--  
  
When they stopped before the door to the suite Naruto looked up in surprise, his musings had occupied the entire journey back to the room.  As they walked in Naruto turned to look back at his fair skinned companion with determination, he'd decided he couldn't continue to just watch as his friend lived in isolation.  “I don’t know how to say this... Sasuke, I am your friend... and I don’t think you should spend so much time alone.”

 

Naruto expected to be told to 'go to Hell' and held his hands up in a placating gesture, “Please hear me out.  I know you like your privacy... but... well, would you consider maybe...” Sasuke’s gaze sharpened, while he didn’t look angry it wasn’t an encouraging sign.

 

\--  
  
“I just...” The sunny blonde continued nervously. “You don’t have to say anything... and if you like I won’t talk, but could we spend... time together?”

 

Sasuke’s immediate denial and reprimand flew to his lips... but then faded away.  He told himself he didn’t want this, but deep down inside he knew he did, the hollow ache of loneliness had become too much to bear.

 

As the silence began to stretch out Naruto’s cheeks had taken on a slight flush, too light to be considered a blush, but evidence of the fact he expected rejection.  It wasn’t much he asked, Sasuke reasoned, and it wouldn’t be any inconvenience since he had endless time to spare.  Sasuke gave a barely perceptible nod and was rewarded with a look of relief and genuine pleasure.

 

\--  


Sasuke had agreed! Not wishing to press his luck or take the chance his raven haired peer would change his mind; Naruto flashed a quick smile and turned walking back to the bedroom. “Have a good sleep Sasuke, see you in the morning.” Just inside the now closed door of his room he paused, the memory of the coal black bird in his dream flashed through his thoughts and he shook his head to dismiss the thought.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke settled wearily on the couch, moments later Naruto walked out a pillow and blanket in hand.  For a minute Sasuke thought his whisker-marked teammate intended to sleep out beside him... then the realization sunk in, the blanket and pillow was for him of course.  Sleep beside him... that had been a ridiculous thought, this wasn’t a child’s sleep over, not that he’d ever been to one and he was sure Naruto hadn’t either.  With a somehow calming practicality Naruto set the bedding on the couch beside him and returned to his room.

 

\--  
  
When Naruto weary sprawled on the bed he found he couldn’t sleep.  His thoughts circled the last few days, small looks that had been witnessed, brief flashes of emotion quickly concealed. There was no denying Sasuke was not happy living like he was, cut off from everyone and his emotions sealed away.

 

Naruto shifted in the massive bed, his body covered only a small area even sprawled out as he was, his thoughts went to Sasuke… was the couch acceptable or was the pallid man now stretched out on the floor in an effort to be more comfortable?  He should have offered the bed to Sasuke, he was sure the cultured man had only the highest quality bedding in his home.  Whereas Naruto himself, well the way he slept in his bed lately wasn’t too much different than if it had been a bedroll on the floor.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke laid down on the couch and was now staring at the ceiling with unblinking eyes, as if he could understand his conflicted and dismal thoughts if he merely looked deep enough. He choose not to notice the sound of the bedroom door opening once more, it was only his teammate getting some piece of his possessions or equipment he’d forgotten and it held no relevance.  Because of this mistaken conclusion the contemplative Nin started as his fair haired companion spoke.

 

“Sasuke… there really isn’t a need to sleep out on the couch… I mean the bed is very large, easily large enough for more than one to sleep in…” Sasuke looked over fixing him with a dispassionate gaze, one that he often used to push others away. Awkwardly Naruto tried to make light of his offer. “Heck all of team seven could sleep in it!”  


\--

  
Sasuke's blank detached glare waivered and Naruto gained confidence in his words, “There is no sense in sleeping here when you have a soft bed available… and you’ll be better rested for the return trip.”

 

The uncomfortable silence continued a moment more then the jet black head nodded slightly and Sasuke rose.  Naruto turned, not wanting to make Sasuke feel uncomfortable like he was being analyzed by watching, and returned to the bed.   


\--

  
Sasuke stood and folded the blanket setting it neatly on the couch, he heard Naruto return to the bedroom, but focused on what his hands were doing unwilling to think too deeply on why he’d accepted the offer.  The couch had not been uncomfortable; he had no real reason to go to sleep in the bed… just as he knew he’d had no reason for having refused a second room.

 

His actions made no sense, but somehow they felt right… natural.  Naruto was like the sun and he could not face the darkness, not tonight.  The anniversary of Itachi’s death was fast approaching and the dreams would only gain in power until that unwelcome anniversary passed.  It would have been nice to be able to blame his uncharacteristic behavior on it, but inside Sasuke knew it was more.

 

\--  
  
Moments later there was a slight motion of the mattress as Sasuke slipped into the bed and promptly turned on his side facing away from him.  As Naruto lay, now watching the ceiling and remaining still as to not disturb his reluctant bed mate, he realized he hadn’t anticipated the feelings that would be triggered by the close proximity of the man beside him.

 

\--

 

As Sasuke slipped in and lay in the bed he could feel the inviting heat radiating from the tanned flesh, his cold body wanted to draw into it. The smell of Naruto brought another reaction and Sasuke quickly turned on his side away from the temptation, he wanted to deny it, but he couldn't when it was to himself... and it shamed him. He needed his friend... needed to be stroked by those calloused fingers, pet softly, his skin pebbled at the thoughts even as his cock hardened slightly.  His need wasn't sexual... well, maybe a bit, but mainly it was the desire to feel adored, loved, wanted... and needed.  He wanted to touch the warm flesh of someone he could count on to always be there for him.  Naruto never gave up on him and despite Sasuke's frequent rejections he always remained a faithful friend.  When sleep came to Sasuke he welcomed it gladly, his thoughts too disturbing to dwell on.   


\--

 

Naruto tried not to sigh... it wasn't that he _wasn't_ tired... no, it was just a need greater than sleep was making it difficult.  A longing for the fair man who'd soon be asleep beside him but he could not touch, not even a brush of his finger against the ivory skin... the knowledge of this did not calm his body or his mind, his body ached but not as much as his heart.  He couldn't deny he felt more than friendship, and much more than lust.  He knew it was best if he try not to think on that and he lay just listening to Sasuke's deep even breaths until sleep took him as well.   
  
Naruto woke to the feel of a warm body molded to his side.  He froze, unsure if he should move away... What if his dark haired peer was mortified when he woke?  What if Sasuke woke, felt him move away and felt it was a rejection?  Undecided Naruto remained, the soft pale skin pressed against him.

 

\--  
  
As Sasuke slowly woke he could feel the comfortable embrace of someone’s body pressed to his and for a moment everything was the same as before both he and Itachi’s lives were destroyed…he felt loved… safe… then all the present came rushing back with such an abrupt slam that his body flinched under the onslaught of his emotions.

 

Nothing was the same; that was a different life, a dream.  Still Sasuke didn’t move, although he knew his companion had felt the jump of his muscles as reality took the place of blissful dreams.  Sasuke felt a familiar despair mixed with a bitter knowledge, he was not meant to have a life of happiness; his was a life of pain that he endured silent and separate. “What do you want from me?  Why do you believe in me? ” Sasuke's voice came out as a soft haunted whisper but he could tell the fair haired man had heard, because his arms tightened slightly… protective, comforting… and the lightest kiss was placed on the back of his neck.  Sasuke gasped then shivered softly at the amazing sensation that swept through him.

 

\--  
  
Naruto’s heart ached at the forlorn sound of Sasuke’s voice, the strong agile body felt so frail and vulnerable in his arms, “I want to be here… to hear your pain, to soothe your tears, I want to…” Naruto paused, he wasn’t sure what he wanted, just that holding Sasuke in his arms felt so right.  His dark haired teammate and friend moved away, slipping free of Naruto’s loose grasp and sliding from the bed to walk from the room, but he stopped after he’d only taken a step.  Naruto watched silently, the rejection hurt, but he understood.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke didn’t turn or look back, “What have you done to me?” Moving away had been so hard, felt so wrong... His shoulders slumped and his head bowed. “I can’t hold it back, I feel like I’m bleeding inside… the pain seems like it will never end.  I can’t live like this.”  He hated the weakness he was showing and yet he couldn’t stop his words.

 

\--  
  
Naruto felt like a cold knife stabbed through him and leapt up to wrap his arms around the slender body once more. “Sasuke.” Naruto begged; he couldn’t bear the thought that his friend may choose to end his life.  "Please, don't."

 

\--

 

Sasuke shook his head, but this time he didn’t pull away from the blonde’s warm embrace, his voice was bitter but the underlying despair was clear. “I won’t die… I can’t, I’m the last… my clan ends with me.  Even when I foolishly hated him I wasn’t alone…”  
  
The empty silence was comforting in some way, the strong blonde nin did not try to deny his pain, did not tell him that everything would be ‘alright’… the quiet acceptance of Naruto brought an almost 'cushion’ against the sorrow. Just the knowledge that Naruto understood and accepted his pain, it was enough to give Sasuke the strength to rein in the black despair that loomed inside.

 

\--  
  
Naruto felt Sasuke’s posture straighten and loosened his arms further.  If Sasuke wanted to walk away and pretend this never happened then they would, but a wave of hesitant hope speared through him as the pale man only reached up to hold his arms around his slender frame.  For several moments they just stood, neither daring to move, to break the spell.  Both men taking a soothing peace from the others touch, but finally Sasuke spoke, his voice held a forlorn note that he would’ve hated if he’d been aware of it. “I want to believe; I want to go back to my innocence, to trust…”

  
\--  


Sasuke stepped free of his friend’s arms and turned to look into Naruto’s eyes, the emotion he saw in them was almost frightening in its intensity.  Naruto loved him, he wasn't sure if his friend knew it, but it was clear in his eyes and although Sasuke had tried to ignore the commitment that was forming, to deny it, there was no way anymore.  

 

As much as he feared the consequences it was really happening, this bond they had slowly formed had become something more.  He needed to stop this… this relationship couldn’t work, he couldn’t see how this could _ever_ work.  It was hopeless, his fumbling attempts at relationships years ago had ended badly, this couldn’t happen... but it was.

 

Naruto watched him with an acceptance that Sasuke never dreamed was possible, this man did not judge him... did not wish to change him… No one had ever meant so much to him since his brother… Naruto was his only anchor, he depended on him to a frightening degree, not physically... mentally.  He couldn’t lose this too, but he wasn’t sure if he could explain why they couldn’t be more, why they had to remain friends.

\--  
  
Naruto saw Sasuke’s turbulent emotions in his eyes; the hope, the fear... the mercurial black seemed to swirl, like oil flowing on dark waters, with the strong flashes of raw emotions.  The desire to walk away, the desire to step back into his arms… but he did neither. “There is no moving on if you remain trapped under the weight of the past, afraid of the uncertainty of the future.”

 

As he spoke to his friend Naruto could feel the weeping wound inside himself, the irony of his words were not lost on him.  He had spent his whole life waiting, standing on the side watching others... clinging to the past and all he'd lost.  


\--

  
Sasuke just stood for a few moments longer… He just wanted to turn off his mind, stop his thoughts and calm the chaos inside of him. There were no answers to the questions he couldn’t even think to form, no solutions to the conflicting feelings that filled every moment he was awake and haunted his dreams.  Suddenly the sensation of being trapped and his desire to escape was nearly suffocating … His sudden desire to flee was ridiculous; it was not possible when your thoughts were what you were desperate to escape.  It all gave him a sense of despair, a yawning pit of hopeless pain that filled him and would never end.

 

\--  
  
Naruto felt Sasuke’s withdrawal before he even turned to leave.  He wanted to say something, anything that would stop his best friend from severing this brief connection once more.  This time they’d come so close, they had almost made it over the wall separating them.  The feeling of hope was fading to painful acceptance, his friend could never fully open up to him, the dream of a deeper connection was a foolish longing.   
  
Over the years Sasuke had struggled, trying to find solutions until he was sick with it, often until his heart hurt so bad he couldn’t even cry.  But when there was no way to fix all that was wrong he could only hope for the ability to forget, if only briefly... to submerge himself in duty and missions. The ability to deny that all he’d done, all he was, and all that had been lost... _If only_ … haunted his thoughts even when he refused to acknowledge it.   
  
The almost angelically pale man shook his head regretfully, but his posture stiffened, “Naruto we need to pack and be on our way before the zenith or we will add almost a day to our return trip.” With that he strode from the room closing the door behind him. Naruto knew Sasuke’s words were simply an excuse, a way to strengthen that barrier between them once more.  There was no pressing reason to hurry back, no matters in the Leaf village at this time that required any haste to return... and no loved ones missing them.  Resigned to the way things would be, the heavy-hearted man turned, dressed and started repacking to leave.  
  
Outside the now closed bedroom door Sasuke once again paused, the urge to return to the room and the solace of Naruto’s arms drew him but he continued forward trying to deny all that had happened.  Although he tried to drain the meaning from it, the need for that comfort persisted and the darkness inside him lingered on.

 

He packed somberly as his thoughts continued to torment him; every day that passed was just another where he lied to himself, told himself everything was ok, that everything wasn’t as bad as it seemed.  But it _was_ as bad as it seemed, it was worse than he allowed himself to see, afraid to look ‘everything’ in the face for fear he wouldn’t be able to bear it... that he’d fall into the darkness, into the endless empty void... the place he deserved and feared, the place where death looked better than life.

 

So he just continued in denial, pretending everything was ok... inside horribly tortured, guilty... lost.  Sometimes he couldn’t even bear to see himself, avoiding his reflection, self-loathing chewing at his insides.  He's gave into hatred, let it consume him, drive him toward a decision that would be the end of all chance for happiness.  Once that misguided hatred was gone, everything was horribly clear, this was the Hell he'd created for himself and there was no way out.

 

\--  
  
The two Nin left the suite barely looking at each other and made their farewell to the Daimyou.  She looked a bit confused at the haste of their departure but hid it well, handing back her reply scroll to Sasuke.  They once again expressed how honored they felt by the invitation and the accommodations.  The silent companions left the village barely focusing on the town as they left and commenced their prompt return to Kohana.

 

\--  
  
It was only a few miles after leaving the village that Sasuke became certain, he’d felt the man tracking them since they’d left the gate, but had dismissed it almost completely at the realization that the ‘pursuer’ was without skill… or even a sufficient amount of chakra to be a threat.

 

Sasuke’s teammate exchanged a look with him acknowledging that he’d been aware as well, but also unconcerned.  Still the two Nin stopped and waited, there was no sense in continuing the ‘chase’, better to deal with whatever the pursuant wanted before continuing forward.  


\--

  
Naruto struck a small fire to cook, taking advantage of the ‘break’, there wasn’t a need to hide from the man who’d followed and in fact the sooner the man arrived the faster they could continue their journey.  He decided to heat water to rehydrate their field rations, unnecessary but it greatly improved their taste.  At first Sasuke looked bored, then disappeared briefly into the trees and returned with a few fish.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke cleaned the fish and placed them on the rocks around the fire. This delay was annoying and he briefly considered just going to the man and resolving the issue, but backtracking was inefficient, wasting energy that could be spent moving in the correct direction, and resting was a more logical action. After the ‘break’ they’d be able to travel further before needing to stop for the evening.  
  
They’d finished both eating and cleaning up the site by the time the young brown haired boy burst from the trees. He looked shook at the sight of the two Nin obviously waiting for him, a brief flash of fear crossed his face before his lip protruded in a stubborn almost sullen frown and anger filled his eyes. “You shouldn’t have come, we don’t want you there! You are nothing but invaders! You came as spies… surveying our land, despicable conquers… you lie, you don’t want an alliance. Once you have a step into Bird country you will rule us all, our freedom will be lost!” The slight frame braced itself as if to attack, “Don’t come back or you’ll regret it! We won’t allow you to conquer us… I will defend my village!”  
  
Sasuke felt the bizarre desire to laugh, this small child growling and threatening them was ridiculous… until the memory of himself as child no older than this child blazed fresh in his mind… how badly he’d wanted to protect his clan… save them.

 

A sickness settled in his stomach; he turned and walked away.  Naruto was better able to handle this, this wasn’t something he’d do… stand there and tell the child everything would be fine, that he was safe.  One day, perhaps even this day, the child could easily watch everyone he loved killed.  The ache in his stomach sent tendrils up to coil around his heart.  It was time to go, Sasuke glanced back to see the gentle smile on his empathetic companion's face as he soothed the child, the sudden urge to feel those soothing arms around him surged through him once more.  


\--

  
Naruto turned from the boy, who was now disappearing into the forest, with a relaxed smile on his face and saw the despondent look on Sasuke’s face.  But as he watched, the impersonal mask Sasuke hid behind fell down to cover any emotion and hide them from sight. Withholding the weary sigh he wished to make, Naruto gave a hollow smile, “Problem solved, let’s make up the lost distance.”

 

\--  
  
Sasuke nodded, both grateful and disappointed that Naruto hadn’t tried to confront him; he knew the observant Nin had recognized his sorrow before he’d concealed it.

 

The remainder of the day’s travels continued without any sign of the emotions they knew the other was experiencing.  At the evenings break they fell into the familiar routine, one going for the makings of a fire and setting up camp while the other hunted or fished, the protein being important for the sustained travels they made throughout the day.  This evening the task of hunting was chosen by Naruto once more.

 

\--  
  
Naruto walked down to the slight swell in the stream, the water would flow slower there causing the fish to congregate in hopes of catching the insects that flew over as dusk fell.  As he walked he flipped logs for bait.  He knew Sasuke had a preference for fish and was not fond of game so unless a source of water was not available, they always stopped for the night within walking distance of one.  Upon grabbing a stick he unwound the line he carried with him, there was no sense in getting wet by walking out in the stream to catch them by hand.  Although he could, any Jounin could, it was basic survival training.  It didn’t take long to pull in enough to feed them, he gave a small smile at the memory of the enormous amount of fish he’d once had to provide when Kiba, Akamaru, Sasuke and him had been on a mission.  He wasn't sure who ate more, Kiba or Akamaru... those days felt like they were a dream.  Little did he know all the pain to come...  


\--

  
After setting up the fire pit Sasuke unpacked the tents, first he set up his own, then he unpacked and set up Naruto’s since his teammate had not yet returned.  The memory of this morning haunted him.  Did Naruto believe things had changed between them after his foolish and uncharacteristic ‘lapse in judgment’ this morning?  The tents now set up; Sasuke walked in to place Naruto’s pack within, the slight scent of the captivating blonde had seeped into the fabric of the tent and stopped him in his tracks. It called to mind how safe he’d felt before he’d fully awakened… The smell of Naruto’s skin as he laid his body pressed into the compassionate man’s side.

 

\--  
  
As he returned to camp he couldn’t help thinking about how Sasuke had just turned away from the child who’d followed them… which incidentally was an amazing feat and a skill Naruto had praised him for… now there was a young man who would make a wonderful hunter/tracker… but that was beside the point.

 

Sasuke had not dismissed the child, his posture had not been cold, not that he’d expect such behavior from Sasuke.  The slender Uchiha was a patient man, often calmly answering the village children’s questions… while not overtly friendly; he was never unresponsive to them.

 

Naruto absently scratched at his unruly mop of hair as he thought; what had the child said… _‘You are nothing but invaders!’_ That didn’t seem terribly upsetting or anything that would cause the serious dark-haired nin to 'ignore' the child… then the memory of the hopeless look on Sasuke’s face flashed before him once more, no he hadn’t been angry or indifferent.

 

Suddenly Naruto understood why Sasuke had turned away, the child was prepared to fight to save his village, to save his family… something Sasuke had been too late to even try to do when his clan had been murdered.  Although Sasuke now knew why it had happened it did not change the ‘survivor’s guilt’ that dwelled in him.  Naruto remained deep in thought about his badly injured friend even as he walked into camp.  


\--

  
Sasuke noticed the fish in Naruto’s hand when he returned and subtly watched as he then cleaned them without a word.  Fish, the entire trip the other man had brought fish instead of red meat… in fact he couldn’t remember a single time he’d been on a mission with him that his blonde teammate had ever brought back anything but fish. 

 

Did he do this because of him?  Sasuke knew Naruto preferred rabbit but always provided fish… The realization that it had been for him was startling, his friend was always looking after him even in the smallest way without recognition of his actions.  The knowledge brought a strong spike of… Sasuke cringed slightly, love… no matter how he tried not to; he knew he loved the extraordinary man.  
  
Naruto sat away from the heat of the cooking fire near Sasuke but with enough space between them that he was sure his friend wouldn’t feel uncomfortable.  After the events of this morning he wasn’t sure Sasuke would even talk to him.  Naruto began talking about little things, unimportant and casual things. 

 

As he filled the quiet night with the trivial things he’d done and saw in the village during the last few months, Sasuke sat silently watching the flames. “When I return I need to visit with Iruka, he had a few things he wanted me to do… easy demonstrations for the class.” Naruto gave a self-mocking smile, “Who would have thought the Nin who couldn’t even pass the test to be Genin… the looser, the number one knucklehead nin, would one day be in front of a class showing them…”   


\--

  
Sasuke glanced away from the fire his eyes meeting the deep blue eyes, “I was wrong…” Naruto’s mouth closed, his words dying as he returned Sasuke’s gaze. “I wouldn’t admit it but now I will. I was wrong to say that and all the times I called you names. ‘Dobe’ had lost its meaning and became an affectionate nickname by the time we parted… I was wrong to leave, I was wrong about so many things.”

 

\--  
  
Naruto watched the pale man, his skin glowing in the light of the fire, his eyes black as coal… the quite strength and beauty of his peer was mesmerizing, so much so that he almost didn’t hear the man’s words and when they registered he felt a rush of regret. Team 7… all those years ago.  If he’d only told Sasuke how much the stoic nin had come to mean to him, demonstrated how he valued his companionship, so many things could have been changed.  

 

Sasuke’s piercing gaze caught Naruto’s unspoken words, “It wouldn’t have changed anything… I was blind, selfish; I allowed the horrors of my past to consume me.” Sasuke sighed softly, “There are many things I regret and would change, but the past is set… nothing we do now can change it.” Sasuke had closed the conversation with his words, the past was the past and nothing Naruto could say now would matter.

 

\--  
  
Naruto nodded, regret plainly displayed on his face, and then looked away into the fire silently for several minutes before continuing his light banter. “I’m sure you have many things you can’t wait to get back to when we return home… we probably won’t see each other until the next mission we are teamed up on.”

 

The blonde's words sent a surprising bolt of distress through Sasuke, in the past few days he’d become attached to his comrade, dependant on his understanding presence and the thought of not seeing him made Sasuke’s stomach clench.

 

\--  
  
Not knowing what else to say the fair-haired Jounin lapsed into silence, occasionally poking at the fire with a stick to rouse the warmest flame.  He knew they could go to their tents where the damp of the cool evening on the heels of the warm day wouldn’t send a chill into their bones, but neither moved.

 

In spite of his casual prediction that they would not see each other, Naruto swore if Sasuke made it at all clear he wanted to see him he'd be there immediately... it was going to be hard not seeing him and with how close they'd come to a real connection, well that made it twice as hard.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke knew it was unreasonable… no, downright foolish, not to go sleep but he couldn’t make himself rise to go.  The feeling of only having these last few hours of peace before his dismal life resumed held him rooted to the spot, unwilling to break the spell.  He fought against sleep, fought the weariness, the need to close his eyes... today was hard enough, he was in no hurry for tomorrow to come.  He knew that his feelings were not logical, not sleeping would only make tomorrow more difficult and yet here he sat struggling to stay awake.  He yearned to have a space of ‘normalcy’ before the whole thing started once more.  


\--

  
As the sun crested the horizon, Naruto stretched.  They had stayed up throughout the night, not talking just watching the fire burn down, the rustles and low calls of the night casting a cocoon around them and blocking out thoughts of the future.  Now as the sun lightened the horizon they had to go, neither man commented on the night, just silently rose and without a word or glance toward the other began packing the unused tents and preparing for the days travel back to the Leaf Village and their everyday lives.

 

  
**BEWILDERED UNDERSTANDING**  
  
Although Naruto tried to deny it, his latest relationship was another in a series of attempts to make meaning of his life, to find something to fill the emptiness that only grew more insistent the longer it continued.

 

Since he returned from the last mission he’d had with Sasuke, his loneliness seemed more painful than before.  His dreams while no worse than before now always ended with the same enigmatic conclusion before he'd wake.  The dreams pattern never changed... the happiness... the sorrow and emptiness... and now the frustration.  It was growing harder to lock away his sorrow and be the person everyone wished him to be... smiling when all he wanted was to go somewhere and be free to express all the pain he held inside.

-

Sasuke stood looking out over the lake near the compound, he’d remembered practicing his fireballs again and again... his father comparing him to Itachi, but Sasuke never hated Itachi, never had a bad thought about him then.  It had been a innocent time... one where he thought he'd always have his Aniki beside him.

 

It was Itachi that always held him comforted him through the night   after their father had hurt him with cruel words.  Every night Itachi would slip in to his room and sit on the end of the bed just stroking the hair out of Sasuke’s eyes the love on his face was deeper than any that Sasuke could ever find on his mother or fathers.  His brother was the center of his world, Sasuke always hated his weakness as he asked every night. 'Anki... please... could you lay with me?  Just for a while?'

 

Itachi never said no... never showed annoyance... always smiled softly and kissed him on the cheek and replied “Otouto I will.”  Then lay beside him.  Usually Itachi lay in front of Sasuke, on his side his fingers tenderly tracing the plains of Sasuke’s face, the love shining deep in their black depths... but when Sasuke was hurt deeply, injured by their fathers cruel words.  Itachi always knew, he would come and without a word lay behind him, cupping him protectively to his body, holding him and whispering soft sweet words of love.  “Otouto, there is no one like you... no one as precious as you, nothing he said matters only this...” then Itachi would lovingly kiss his cheek; it always soothed him to sleep. 

 

He could never do wrong as long as his Aniki loved him, and that gave Sasuke the power to face all challenges once more… that was the only love he knew and when he killed his brother he lost all that… the beautiful memories that gave him strength and value... this was the Hell he created, he killed the only person who'd ever mattered.

****

-

 

_Even as Naruto dremt he knew it was a dream, but he still clung to the 'moments' he had beside Jiraiya, felt the joy at every tease, the affection in every smile..._

_Then Jiraiya faded, leaving him alone in an empty feild, slowly the color just seaped away leaving everything in shades of grey... hopeless._

_Again the dark crow appeared, sitting on a branch  it studied him, then once more it hopped over to sit on his shoulder, the pain in his heart lightened along with the crow's color._

_They walked towards a dark area ahead.  Slowly it came into focus, a terrible place, a skeletal forrest filled with thorney brush... he knew it wanted him to go in._

_Naruto looked in the dark eyes, going there was important, he didnt undestand it but he was certain it was where he should go. He walked out of the colorless feild to the edge of the treeline and stood looking in.  It looked so desolate, like nothing lived there but somehow he was sure something... someone, was there.  Deep inside and hidden..._

_When he tried to go in the crow dissapeared, but when he fell back unable to break through the thorns the crow was there once more, sitting on his shoulder looking into the forbidding place... it could not go in._

_They sat and watched the forest, Naruto felt at peace with the crow beside him, but he knew this peace was only temporary and neither could look away from the forest._

 

He opened his eyes to see the bed empty, his lover gone to work.  His heart was empty his life as colorless as the feild he dremt of... he needed to get up.  Iruka needed to have him run some paperwork to the Admin building, then he was sure the clerk in Admin had things he needed, he always did... and from there his 'day off' would be busy, it always was... but it didn't really matter since the only thing he'd do other wise would be to dwell on his memories and fight his pain.  Nothing really mattered... nothing would change.

 

\--

 

Sasuke breathed a dispondant sigh, he'd just returned from his mission, a solo mission that had left far too much time to think.  He stood looking down at one of the training feilds and he took a seat beneath a tree, there was no urgent need to return home, no one was there waiting for him and the soft breeze lifted the hair from his neck cooling him, lulling him into a calm but morose contemplation of his life.  Strangely it wasn't thoughts of the past that haunted him as much as his thoughts of the future... a future alone and empty... meaningless... only missions and the hope to lose himself in them ahead...

 

\--

 

This morning the sun shone down on the village, bringing joy to all, children laughing and playing, merchants calling out greetings to neighbors and friends.  Jiraiya and he had spent many days like this together… Naruto felt the tears looming as he watched them out the window, he could feel he was headed toward another major depression, but there was no one to care.  It wasn’t that he was alone, although it was growing increasingly obvious that this relationship was as doomed as the ones before it.  No one really even saw _him_ , only the person they wanted to see... he wished Lady Tsunade wouldn't insist he have a 'day of rest', rest was the last thing he wished for, nothing to keep his thoughts off his troubles... he often thought about the mission to Bird Country, the feel of Sasuke in his arms... Sasuke knew he loved him but it wasn't enough, the pale nin would never leave him in... he'd never accept his love.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke hadn’t seen Naruto since they’d returned from their mission, he heard his former teammate had another lover, all the more reason to avoid the mesmerizing blonde.  As it was he couldn’t escape thoughts of him even in the night, his dreams had taken on a surreal twist… some way becoming more haunting by the addition of this feeling of having salvation just outside his grasp… salvation in the form of a soothing glow that he stretched for but could not reach… a glow that was warm and safe… like Naruto’s arms.

 

\--  
  
Over the past few weeks Naruto had tried to hide his growing distress, his partner was draining him, the constant need to comfort to reassure and placate the highly emotional young man was slowly wearing him down until it was becoming difficult to perform his missions.

 

It did not help that Ikari was resentful of his ‘time away’, his lover lamented how he’d suffered in Naruto’s absence.  He was not a Nin, he did not understand the responsibilities Naruto felt and bitterly lamented that he was not placed above them.

 

Many nights before his missions had been spent with the distraught man begging for him to not go, to give up being a nin and work in the book store beside him… when they didn't work he'd try threats that he’d find someone who’d ‘treat him better’ and their nights were full tears of pain and anger.  Naruto was exhausted as he prepared for his latest mission, grateful that his lover was now at work, they’d had their customary ‘disagreement’ the entire night before.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke saw the weary blonde pass, his mission pack sling over his shoulder haphazardly.  He couldn’t watch it anymore and not say anything.... it wasn't jealousy, at least that's what he tried to believe.  He rationalized, while Naruto had many relationships none of them were healthy, he'd be better off without them.

 

Sasuke stepped out into the road before him and the exhausted Nin nearly bumped into him before noticing and stopping. “Naruto, Ikari is not good for you…”   
  
Naruto forced a wooden smile. “I’m ok…”

 

\--

 

A flash of anger raced through Naruto at Sasuke's toneless statement, _'not good' for him?_   Seriously?!   Who was this man who had held his heart in his hand for years to tell him who was _'good'_ for him?!  He'd waited and hoped, searched and struggled to bring Sasuke home to the Leaf Village and what 'reward' did he get...

 

The raven dark eyes still displayed no emotion in spite of the fact he had made it obvious he loved him time and time again… after their trip to Bird Country he’d hoped…

 

Now the anger was at himself, the frustration over flowed and he met those unexpressive eyes with hostility. “I’m tired of being everyone’s servant; of smiling when I’m tired, sick, hurt... Tired of saying ‘I’m ok.’ as yet another person takes advantage of me… as I let them use me."    


\--

  
The blonde's face had furious tears streaming down the cheeks.  “I’m tired of always caring for others, every whim and want… every little ache, pain, every need or desire… while I’m dragging myself through Hell to fulfill what they require.  No one cares if I’m hurt or sick, no one cares if I'm tired…"

 

The beautiful blue eyes were dark with missery and the fire in his words was quickly fading.  "If I’m lucky I'll get a brief inquiry of required concern of which my answer means nothing to them... No matter how badly I need or hurt no one will be there for _me_ … unless they want me to do something for them.  So as a response to your 'brief inquiry of required concern', I'm _perfectly ok_.”

 

Sasuke felt a stab of guilt, Naruto had comforted him at every opportunity, had done little things to please him… had cared about him, but what had he done for him?  He was just like all the others, only speaking to the cheerful blonde when he required something... avoiding him and walking away when he could, never stepping forward when he was in pain or needed comfort...

 

\--  
  
It wasn't that he didn't want to help, Naruto liked to help others... Or even that they didn't seem to appreciate the things he did and that it was taken for granted he'd do what they asked...

 

No, it was that so often there was no reason for them to ask, no reason for the endless requests he received throughout the days.   _'Run this here'_... _'go get that'_... _'fix this'_... no reason they couldn't do those things themselves, except not desiring to... so they asked him, knowing he would not say 'no', would not complain...

 

He drew a weary sigh that was more than just tiredness, it was painful resignation.  The distressed Nin turned his face away from his friend, but he was sure Sasuke had no trouble hearing his words. “Even when informed that I am sick, hurt, tired… it’s always the same thing, it’s as if my words don’t even get heard.”  The thin blond gave a sarcastic snort that turned into a soft sob… “And you know what? I’ll do whatever they want, in spite of how I feel. I’ll do it and say ‘I’m ok’” _because I have nothing... no one who will love me unless I do._  

 

And there it was, the truth, he had to buy everyone's love.  This was no different than when he was pulling pranks as a child... the need to have someone notice he existed.  His head hung, his shoulder slumped in defeat. “Do I really matter so little…?”

 

\--  
  
It was a time of peace; everyone looked so happy and healthy... except Naruto.  Sasuke felt a flush of shame, how could he have not seen it?  The self sacrificing manner with which Naruto always stepped forward to do as anyone asked.  The blonde man was constantly moving, helping deliver or retrieve things, helping others without rest while still needing to go do his missions... and Sasuke knew he was no better than any of the others.  When he needed comfort Naruto was always there, even if he was not able to accept comfort most of the time... it was still there.  But when hurt or in pain Naruto stood alone... he didn't even try to give him comfort.

 

This was not just Ikari... they'd all, including himself, gotten used to just taking what was offered without ever giving anything back...  Naruto was right; they all knew the blonde would do anything and ask for nothing.

 

The dark haired man stepped closer, so drawn by the misery in his friend’s voice that the fact they stood in the middle of the street in everyone’s view ceased to matter.  He laid a hand on Naruto’s shoulder, and then drew it back quickly in surprise and dismay.  It had not landed on the firm well fleshed curve as he’d thought, under the garish orange and black of Naruto’s uniform… he had felt like nothing but bones. “Naruto! You’re…” He protested, reaching out again.   


\--

  
Naruto cut off his friend’s words as he moved further away from his former teammate and quickly turned to leave. "You know it doesn’t matter… the fox won’t let me die."

 

His heart slammed against his ribs in panic, he had to leave right now!  This was wrong, it could do no good only cause him further pain.  Sasuke’s touch on his upper arm had sent a wave of longing through him, the desire to touch the perfect man, to hold him and nuzzle his face into the crook of his neck… to smell his skin and feel his soft breaths feather over him as they lay holding each other.  Panic continued to rise within him, he couldn’t bear to be rejected… not now, not here where there was no way he could hide his pain.  


\--

  
Sasuke caught the frail blonde's shoulder again in a slightly firmer grasp, but immediately loosened it, he felt he break his friend like a china doll.  Naruto averted his eyes as Sasuke turned him to face him and for the first time since their mission Sasuke actually looked closely at him, the worn hollow cheeked man was barely recognizable as Naruto until he smiled his characteristic carefree smile.

 

Sasuke could see the blonde's congenial mask slip into place hiding his colleague’s true feelings, there was the happy go lucky goof that everyone knew. “Naruto…” Sasuke entreated.

 

Naruto pulled free, his voice was haunted and bitter even as he took on his usual posture and effervescent personality. “It’s ok, I’m fine, don’t worry about me.  It’s my life… it has nothing to do with you.”  With that said the fair-haired Nin walked away, but Sasuke had seen the love that still dwelled in his beautiful clear blue eyes… and felt the warmth of his skin.  
  
  
**A MULTITUDE SAID IN SILENCE**  
  
Months had passed; Sasuke continued watching Naruto, seeing the inevitable end of the toxic relationship had been a great relief.  Naruto had ‘fleshed out’ once more and he’d began yet another relationship.  Sasuke should have been glad for him, it seemed like this time he’d found a good match.  Yasashii was older, protective and kind, the two Nin seemed happy and deeply in love... Naruto was safe and loved.

 

But no matter how Sasuke knew he should feel, peace of mind wasn't the feeling that surged forward within him, instead of happiness the sight of them together only brought envy.

 

Occasionally he’d see Naruto looking at him, his eyes enigmatic, empty of the joy that almost unerringly lit their depths and poured from his gaze when looking at his new partner.  They hadn’t spoken since the confrontation, the blonde had avoided all unnecessary contact with him and when forced to converse had kept it business like.  While not hostile it was uninviting and distant.  It didn’t matter, Sasuke didn’t know what he’d say to him anyway.

 

\--  
  
Naruto fawned over his older companion and lover, contentedly providing everything he desired, the pale man smiled at him and stroked his cheek before returning to his conversation with a fellow Jounin.  His newest partner was amazing, but as happy as he tried to feel, there dwelled in the back of his conscious a feeling of discontent, unease… a feeling of falseness and doubts about why he was ‘in love’ with Yasashii. The eerie thing that bothered him most was the similarities between his dark haired lover and Sasuke.

 

\--  
  
Every time Sasuke spotted Naruto his breath would catch, the flash of jealousy he’d feel at Yasashii’s affectionate caresses was like acid.  But he had no reason to feel that way, Sasuke had lay beside the hot strong body of his long time companion and felt the comfort of those tan arms holding him protectively… and he’d walked away from that comfort.  He continued to tell himself it was the right thing; they had no future… but with every day that passed Sasuke felt the loss stronger.

 

\--  
  
His efforts to avoid Sasuke were doomed to failure; many times Naruto had seen the reclusive Nin and felt the magnetic draw to go to him.  Often when he’d looked away from the dark haired Nin it was to see Yasashii looking at him, his eyes gentle and understanding.  When his thoughts would wander Naruto often thought about Sasuke’s face as he stopped him in the street… he couldn’t help it, the man’s mesmerizing ebony eyes looking into his with concern… It always led to the same conclusion, maybe Sasuke cared but it didn’t matter.   Even if Sasuke loved him he’d never open his arms to him… never say the words Naruto wanted to hear more than any others in his life.  He was tired of hurting, tired of caring about someone who would never open up and return his love.

 

\--

  
During their trip to bird country Sasuke had told Naruto they could ‘spend some time together’ but since returning he’d avoided Naruto at every possible moment… pushed him away time after time.  

 

Now Naruto had given up on him and even in the daylight he felt like he was in the dark; empty… cold… the light, the warmth only inches away if he’d only reach out.  He was now sure, Naruto was the light he needed, the only one.  But he’d pushed the extraordinary blonde away one too many times.  Naruto no longer even talked to him, Sasuke had never guessed how desperately he’d desire to hear him... to hear him say anything not related to a mission.  To hear him with the lighthearted joviality in his tone… the welcome and enthusiasm, the sincere acceptance of his gaze… even as he told himself again and again that it would never work, that he could not have any form of steady commitment to the riveting blonde... his dreams didn't change and there in his dreams he tried to reach the light.  


\--

  
The end of his relationship with Yasashii came as a total shock, although it shouldn’t have.   When they’d finished their weekly ‘night on the town’ and had returned to Naruto’s apartment the older man had cupped his face, his wise eyes looking into Naruto’s seriously, “You don’t love me.  My Tenshi, love isn’t something you can force yourself to feel.  You need to think about what you really want in life… and don’t be afraid to grab it.”  Yasashii gave him a tender, affectionate smile. “You deserve it, you deserve everything you long for… don’t give up, sometimes things just take longer to happen.”

 

Naruto knew the tall Nin was talking about his feelings for Sasuke. Now Naruto sat looking out his window into the darkness… alone again, but this time it was different, the void remained… the loss.  But it was more an ache than a heart rending end, perhaps he was in denial.  Even as his eyes studied the coal dark sky, the man he thought of was not the man he’d just lost, but the one he’d never have… Yasashii was wrong; sometimes all that could be reaped from waiting was dreams filled with unfulfilled desires.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke rose restlessly from his bed once more, he couldn’t sleep, his thoughts full of Naruto gazing up at his lover, the happy smile on his face.  Sasuke couldn’t stop himself from picturing himself in the lithe nin’s place… that smile radiating joy and love for him.  He shook his head in disgust at himself, it couldn’t work and tormenting himself with ridiculous fantasies would not change anything.  Frowning in frustrated annoyance, he finally decided sleep was unlikely and perhaps training would help exhaust him and bring sleep.  With that hope in mind he grabbed his weapons pouch and leapt out his window.

 

\--  
  
Naruto walked slowly through the village; he couldn’t sit looking out into the empty streets, couldn’t stay and dwell on all he’d lost and all he’d never have.  The night was clear and although there was a chill in the air it wasn’t unpleasant, Naruto knew he’d appreciate that cool breeze when he had finished training for the evening.  

 

The sight of another Nin training on the open field made Naruto freeze in his steps in astonishment; even with the field dark he knew it was Sasuke… it was like he could feel the other man like a current that played over his exposed skin. The moon cleared a cloud and the training grounds were illuminated.  The silver beams of moonlight seemed to give the pale man an ethereal glow, like some angelic and untouchable vision from his dreams and Naruto found he couldn’t move… the beauty before him so stunning his breaths came in shallow pants as he was unable to draw a deep breath.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke was not surprised or alarmed by the sudden appearance of another Nin on the training grounds, he’d felt his friend before he even turned.   The blonde stood as if set in stone, the pale light of the moon bleaching all color from him and adding to the illusion that the exquisite man was a statue, a graceful amazing ornament of some ancient hero.  Sasuke shook off the bizarre thought, calling on his years of suppressing his emotions he spoke with perfect calm he did not feel. “Naruto. I did not expect anyone to choose to train tonight. I am finished and can leave so you can use the field.”

 

\--  
  
“Stay.” Naruto’s heart drummed hard in his chest, he hadn’t intended to say that… or to say anything and now he stood numbly unsure what to say next.  His apprehension grew even stronger as the man of his dreams languidly nodded, “I can stay for a bit.” Sasuke walked over to sit with his back against a tree, the shadows hiding his expression.

 

Naruto cursed himself under his breath; he’d swore to bury those feelings.  Waiting for the day when Sasuke would love him could only lead to absolute misery.  It was a fool’s game to keep tormenting himself with hopes of some day... This moment was nothing, this wasn’t a fairy tale and there was no happily ever after… at least not for him.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke told himself he’d only stayed for companionship and it was simply he was reluctant to go back to his empty home, but inside his soul he knew it was more than that.  Even if he could never accept Naruto’s love, he still craved any contact he was allowed and he couldn’t deny it… he drank in the sight of him, mesmerized by the fluid movement of the blonde as he began training.  


\--

  
The whole time he worked out he could feel him, feel Sasuke’s eyes like silken brushes of a finger over his bare flesh and soon he was sweating more from the sensation and his rapid heart beat than the actual exertion of his work out.  The ebony gaze of his watcher sapped his strength leaving him feeling weak and vulnerable.

 

Finally realizing it wasn’t going to get better, only worse the longer it continued, Naruto ended his training.  As he left the field he grabbed his damp shirt, he usually stripped it off before training so it wouldn’t get damp and he’d have something ‘warm’ to wear home.  But this time he’d kept it on as long as he could, until the fabric had grown damp and heavy, limiting his movements.   He now slipped it on as he walked toward Sasuke, cringing slightly at the sodden fabric clinging to his body.  He wished he had waited until the night air had cooled his body as he usually did, but for some reason that Naruto choose not to investigate too deeply, it just didn’t seem ‘right’ to sit beside Sasuke without it.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke had watched the moonlight shimmer on the sweat streaked torso of his friend, thoughts of the night laying beside that muscular frame, being held by those arms… to Sasuke’s embarrassment just those thoughts were enough to make him almost painfully aroused and he was grateful when the unconsciously erotic blond covered himself once more.  Not that it helped greatly since the tunic cling to every curve of Naruto’s muscles, accenting the taut stomach that lead down to… Sasuke looked away, chastising himself for his lack of control.  He wasn’t some young teen going through his puberty with a constant erection, he was too old for foolish meaningless sex… but in the back of his mind it remained that this would not be just casual sex, it could be so much more.

 

But it didn’t matter if Naruto drew him like no one had in far too many years to remember, even if his blonde friend had been willing, Yasashii shared Naruto’s bed now.  Sasuke quickly squashed another senseless spike of jealousy at the thought of Naruto’s lover.   


\--

  
Naruto dropped to the ground beneath the tree, with a respectable distance between them, and tried to spur his mind into forming some form of intelligent conversation. “Do you come down to train often?” Immediately Naruto regretted his inane comment, of course he didn’t or he’d have seen him more often… Naruto often came to train at night especially when his lovers left him.  A wave of depression washed over him, that happened too often, no one stayed long. Still he pressed on through the painful thoughts and managed a better question.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke shook his head in denial at Naruto’s first question but the salty, slightly musky scent of Naruto’s skin distracted him from the second and to Sasuke’s chagrin he had to ask, “I didn’t hear you… could you repeat that?”

 

The handsome man smiled, a friendly and reassuring smile, not one of ridicule and repeated, “Are you sure I didn’t cause you to cut short your training?”

 

Sasuke shook his head once more, “No. I was done.” For a few minutes they sat in silence, and then the words slipped unbidden from his Sasuke’s lips, “Is Yasashii gone on a mission?”

 

Naruto’s smile looked strained and he began to rise to his feet, his tone did not echo the pain in his eyes, “No. Yasashii and I have decided to be friends… but I’m ok.  I’m never alone; I’ll always have my ‘monster’.”  
  
Sasuke didn’t want him to leave, his was the most at peace he’d been since their last mission together… and the most alive. “Can I talk to you?” He didn’t know what he’d say but Sasuke couldn’t just let him walk away… watch him take another lover… to look at some else with those amazing understanding eyes. The thoughts flowed quickly, and from his heart without censure from his mind, he couldn’t make the mistake of not telling his closest friend… the man he struggled not to love how he felt. In spite of Sasuke’s reservations he found it surprisingly easy to talk while the darkness shielded him. “In the valley… when Sai, Tenzu and you tried to ‘rescue’ me from Orochimaru…”

 

\--  
  
Naruto relaxed back to lean against the tree once more and felt a small flash of amusement at the realization that Sasuke neglected to mention that Sakura was there as well. He wondered if it was intentional or if Sasuke had really dismissed his fanatic pink haired stalker, but his humor died quickly. So much had happened, all the pain and sorrow he’d felt was fresh once more as Sasuke continued.   


\--

  
Sasuke’s heart hammered and his voice was slightly shaky, what was he doing?!  His mind had caught up with his heart, but he continued.  “I’ve seen your 'monster', I’ve talked with it… when it said I’d regret it if I killed you I had no idea that it was because you were my salvation… you have always been there.  I’m tired of being too strong to show how I feel… When I think of you I don’t feel so alone...”

 

\--  
  
Naruto’s heart seemed to still in his chest and a flash of cold traveled through him.  No! No… this wasn’t fair!  How could Sasuke feed him hope when he’d only return to being distant and emotionless once more?!  Naruto rose, his stomach knotted. “I have to go…”

 

Sasuke caught his hand before he could flee. “I always behave like I don’t need you… don’t leave me.  I do need you.”   
  
Naruto stood frozen, knowing that he should leave, but unable to convince his feet to move.  The same feet that moved so effortlessly as he trained now felt weighted to the ground.  He swallowed hard and hoarsely begged, "Please Sasuke... stop.  Please don't..."  The breeze chilled his damp cheeks, his tears warm as they trickled down to drop on the ground at his feet.  
  
Sasuke could feel Naruto's body shaking, but he wouldn't let go... he couldn't give up.  This maybe the last chance he got to tell him... what if the next time Naruto met someone they fell deeply in love, what if the next one was forever. "Naruto." Sasuke rose and wrapped his arms around him. "I won't hurt you... I promise, this time I won't run away."

 

\--  
  
Naruto couldn't speak; his throat tight with tears he just stood trying not to give in to the belief. "I promise Naruto." Sasuke whispered against the back of Naruto's neck, his soft lips brushing the skin and making Naruto's body eagerly respond. The tender kiss that followed made a much more vital area respond... Naruto's heart.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke waited anxiously, would Naruto trust him or had his last chance already passed him by... the answer was in Naruto's eyes.  The brilliant blue eyes looked into his with love and Naruto cupped Sasuke's head kissing him deeply.  When they finally broke the kiss they were both panting.  He could feel Naruto's body pressed to his, their arousals flush against each other but it was as if it didn't matter, it was secondary to the raw emotion they could see in each other’s eyes.  


\--

  
"Sasuke..." Naruto whimpered softly, it was an almost desperate plea for the raven haired man to not tear his heart from his chest.  He couldn't leave this time!  Naruto wouldn't be able to bear the pain... not this time.  Sasuke's arms held him tightly to him, then his hand slipped up to cup Naruto's face and Sasuke pledged sincerely, "I will not push you away, I will never hurt you."

Naruto whimpered again, but this time in passion as Sasuke kissed him again.  


\--

  
As much as he loved Naruto he couldn't rush into sex with him like an eager bridegroom, Sasuke felt the press of his peer's body ease away from against his, it was obvious Naruto wasn't willing to risk their new relationship on a wild sexual encounter either.  Sasuke felt a rush of love for the passionate blonde for his reserve, his fingertips stroked Naruto's cheek tracing the parallel whisker marks, the resulting shiver and the way he closed his eyes leaning into Sasuke's touch made him briefly reconsider waiting, he was very sexy!  


\--

  
Naruto cupped Sasuke's hand with his, stilling its motion, swallowed hard and edged back slightly.  Resisting wasn't easy, especially when the Kyuubi had taken an interest... it found Sasuke fascinating, it had since the day Sasuke had entered and talked to it... while it hadn't been a pleasant conversation it none the less entertained the beast and piqued his interest.  Naruto smiled ruefully, "I think anything more should wait."

 

\--  
  
Sasuke nodded his agreement, he may have committed his heart, but he still had trouble with that much of a physical display… still, he was curious why the blonde would wish to wait.  He knew why he did, but the other man was... well, sexually active... it would not be a uncommon thing for him to expect to take the new relationship to the 'physical level'.  Naruto had put more distance between their aroused bodies, but continued to hold Sasuke's hand as if afraid to let go. Sasuke brushed the tanned skin of his fingers with his thumb softly as he asked, "Can I see you tomorrow?"

 

\--  
  
Naruto flushed, his heart racing faster at Sasuke's request.  His beloved wouldn't run away this time, he had to believe it, it was like a wonderful dream and Naruto had to force himself to release Sasuke's hand. "Yes, I... it's my day off tomorrow, if you have time... could I take you to lunch?"  


\--

  
Sasuke had to give a slight smirk as he teased, "Yes, you can take me to lunch... I've seen the way you eat and I don't think I could afford to take you."

 

Naruto's eyes widened in surprise then he laughed, a wonderful joyous sound that made Sasuke's world brighter, and things more bearable almost like a magic spell.  For the first time in years Sasuke was looking forward to the following day.  “We can meet at 13:00 outside your apartment.” Sasuke stated, for a moment the two men just continued to look at one another, then Naruto leaned in and gave Sasuke a gentle kiss.

 

\--

 

Sasuke turned to walk back to his home and Naruto watched him until he got to the split path at the end of the training field.  He couldn’t force the grin from his face as he turned and walked back to his apartment… Sasuke had teased him!  Playfully teased him… and agreed to a date!  It was absolutely amazing!

 

\--  
  
Sasuke slipped in his window, his head reeling… he had a date.  He couldn’t remember ever looking forward to a date, dates were required meetings set up by the council… officially for ‘dates’ he was acting as an emissary for the Leaf… unofficially it was their attempt to ‘mate’ him off to some girl… produce a few Uchiha… Sasuke wanted nothing to do with them. The Uchiha clan would die with him.

 

Sasuke showered and returned to his bed, this time he had no problem going to sleep and for the first time since the tragedy, Sasuke’s dreams all through the night were anything but horrifying.

 

\--  
  
When Naruto entered his apartment he was still feeling a bit giddy at the course tonight had taken, but upon entering his smile died.  A wave of guilt washed over him, Yasashii and he had just broken up… only hours ago… his relationships never lasted for long.  Naruto swallowed a lump in his throat and sighed softly.  How long would it last… how long until Sasuke couldn’t bear to continue their relationship?  No, not this time.  He’d do anything to keep Sasuke by his side; no matter what he had to do he couldn’t lose him.  
  
  
**TERRIFIED HOPES**  
  
The morning sun cresting the horizon lit up Sasuke’s room, it was bright and cheerful… cheerful, that wasn’t normal.  Sasuke frowned a second trying to figure it out, then a small smile curved his lips… Naruto.  Suddenly he remembered all that had happened the night before, he rose swiftly, he had several errands to run before his lunch date.

 

\--  
  
Naruto groaned at the bright light of the rising sun, it had been hard to sleep… memories of all his past relationships, his past mistakes, haunted him late into the night.  Rolling over he looked at the unoccupied side of the bed somberly, no matter how often it happened it always hurt to wake up to an empty bed. He always slept on his side of the bed… and often the other would remain an vacant space…  he slipped out of bed and went to shower, perhaps that would brighten his mood, but at very least he'd be clean.

 

-  
  
As Sasuke passed Yamanaka’s flower shop he paused, was he supposed to bring flowers?  You brought flowers on a date with a female… but it just seemed odd to bring Naruto flowers.  He always thought it strange that girls would want a blossom that was cut from the plant and now doomed to die for no purpose…

 

\--  
  
While Naruto waited he somberly looked around his living room.  Everywhere he looked he saw memories of past lovers… little items left behind, simple gifts that they had given him… little changes this or that one had made as if it would last, but it hadn’t.  In the end all he had was this and loneliness.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke finally settled on a compromise, he had nothing against flowers but it was less foolish to buy something that would last and grow.  He selected a vine type plant with wonderful green and white swirled leaves, Ino swore it was impossible to kill… a good attribute for a plant that would often be left for up to a week at a time without water or care while Naruto was gone on missions… and the ‘variegated’ leaves would ‘brighten up’ Naruto’s apartment… at least that’s what Ino had said.

 

\--  
  
As noon approached Naruto became increasingly worried.  What if Sasuke didn’t show up?  What if he waited all day and he never came?  The thought was enough to make him sick to his stomach.  He had to believe Sasuke wouldn’t do that, he was trustworthy.  He said he would come… but still a small voice whispered that it couldn’t be.  That the whole thing had been some twisted dream.  By the time noon arrived he couldn’t take starring at the walls, torturing himself with his thoughts, and walked out to sit under a tree within sight of the apartment building’s door.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke slowly walked towards Naruto’s building, it wasn’t quite that he was nervous, more like wary… like he was walking a thin ledge and below was an abyss that promised a terrible fall.  He pushed past that ominous feeling and approached the building door, but before he reached it he saw his longtime friend sitting nearby… his unruly flaxen hair dappled with sunshine, he radiated a welcoming warm glow… he was mesmerizing.  Sasuke felt the almost magnetic pull to go to him, how could he do it… how could that incredible man take his breath away just by sitting there?!  The mystery was forgotten as the lightly marked cheeks dimpled with a relieved and happy grin… it was as if he hadn’t expected him to come, the vulnerability in his eyes as Sasuke stopped before him confirmed it.  Naruto had been afraid, the strong nin who didn’t back down from any enemy was afraid… afraid because he thought Sasuke would reject him.  Without thought Sasuke found himself drawing the warm tanned body to his in a reassuring embrace.  


\--

  
Naruto’s heart pounded so hard it felt like it shook his entire body with every beat.  Sasuke had come, he had really come and it was all true!  After a few minutes of joy Naruto squirmed loose, if he stayed in Sasuke’s arms much longer his fellow Jounin was going to discover how especially ‘happy’ certain areas of his body was to see him!  But as Naruto backed up a step the look on Sasuke’s face told him that the other man was well aware, and while his lips had curved in a faint smirk, his eyes had darkened to jet with an answering desire.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke concealed his emotions, fully aware once more that they stood in full view of everyone in the vicinity. “We should go. Ichiraku’s will be busy… but… here.” Sasuke offered the Devil’s Ivy and wondered if he should have selected a more upbeat sounding plant.  Naruto grinned, excited by the gift, his delight wiped away Sasuke’s doubt and after the attractive nin ran the plant up to his room he returned with an enthusiastic smile.

 

Most of the date went well, Naruto talking a good deal of the time and easily accepting Sasuke’s occasional monotone reply without any sign of discomfort… it was like no ‘date’ Sasuke had ever had.  It was as close to perfect as it could be, never once did the buoyant man try to coax him into ‘relaxing’ just accepted his stoic demeanor without offense.  The easy air of acceptance was unlike Sasuke had ever felt with anyone but his brother.  

 

His brother… they had spent hours together while growing up, without speaking they said more than they would say in a year to anyone else.  Sasuke pushed his bowl away, his hunger gone… Tomorrow was Itachi’s birthday.  Why did he have to think of that now?  He knew Naruto sensed the change in the atmosphere, but instead of pressuring him to talk as so many others had tried, or trying to ‘cheer him up’, the blonde only slid his bowl back as well.

 

\--  
  
Rising to his feet Naruto lay the money beside the bowls, he understood the bleak mood that had washed over Sasuke… he knew those feelings well himself, although from different sources it was not unlike his own pain. “I think we are done… would you like to walk… or would you like to meet later?”

 

A surprised look flashed over Sasuke’s features before being quickly concealed as he rose to his feet. “I’d like to walk.”

 

Naruto nodded and as Sasuke began to walk he fell into step with him, the two men strolled towards the fringe of the village, silently watching shop owners and playing children.  Sasuke seemed to be oblivious to his company, but Naruto accepted it and as they walked the mood slowly lightened to a quiet contemplation of everything around them.  When they’d reached the far outskirts of the town.  They sat on a hill above the training area and looked down at the empty field.

 

\--

 

Sasuke had so many things he wanted to say... the reminder of his brother's birthday brought to mind so many of the horrible mistakes he'd made.  Sasuke sighed, "You know I love you... I have for so very long...  I was so angry and lost… that day  in the Valley Of The End, when we fought..."  he stroked Naruto's hand, "I tried to kill you, but you were trying to stop me from doing something you knew I'd regret..."

 

“The Valley was an desperate attempt to escape, even then I knew deep down you wouldn’t kill me.” Naruto reassured gently.

 

"As you lay unconscious I  knelt over you, there were so many strong emotions I wasn’t ready to face pumping through me... I wanted so badly to kiss you.  I didn’t know why, I thought it was just… a goodbye, a strange affection I couldn’t dismiss… ... just a final regret at severing my last tie to my old life, but it wasn’t."  Sasuke sadly sighed, “I never thought you could feel like I do… I didn’t even understand what I felt.  I could never accept you as _brother…_ the term was so tainted then, so perverse… but I knew I my feelings toward you were not ones of a brother… even if the word was not a cursed one.”

 

At Naruto's understanding gaze, his words came without hesitation.  "When you found me at Orochimaru’s lair… you challenged me _‘Why didn’t you kill me…’_   My heart was beating so hard, suddenly I knew how I felt.  I wanted so badly to tell you.  I wanted to yell, to cry out in frustration, the words on the tip of my tongue seemed too strong to hold back… _‘I love you, you stupid dube!’_ I couldn’t figure out why you wouldn’t leave me alone.  Even that bluff with the sword, I couldn’t resist the need to touch you… to hold you in some small way, it was nothing but bravado… and you saw right through it.”

 

Naruto shook his head, “I didn’t see through it… I trusted you.  I can’t say how but even then when your heart was twisted by Orochimaru, I knew you wouldn’t hurt me."

 

“I couldn’t take my eyes off you, it nearly allowed Tensou to trap me… if only I had been caught, it would have stopped me from doing something I’ll regret for as long as I live.  I wouldn’t have killed my brother… leaving you again that day was the second biggest mistake I ever made.  I didn’t realize until that day that the feelings I felt for you had only hidden, hidden and grew… deep down I wanted you to save me, to bring me home.”

 

Naruto stroked Sasuke’s cheek gently, it helped ease the pain slightly, but nothing could change all the terrible things he'd done.  Sasuke felt a flood of shame at the memories, “I don’t know how you could ever forgive me, I don’t know how you could love me after all I’ve said and done, all the pain I put you through.”

 

\--

 

“There was never a moment that I didn’t.” Naruto answered honestly. “I don't hold any anger with you about the past.  We are here now, we have each other."

 

Sasuke nodded, they rose to walk back toward the area in which the two nin lived.  Naruto was startled into a soft gasp as Sasuke gently took his hand; it was an elaborate gesture from someone who guarded his emotions so greatly and a wave of joy flowed through him at the tender expression of affection.   He wanted to cup that beautiful face, to look into his dark eyes and kiss the soft lips with all the passion in his heart, but he only smiled softly and his finger stroked the inside of Sasuke’s palm as they walked.

 

 

**SILENT WORDS**  
  
He couldn’t go see Naruto today… he couldn’t face anyone.  Some days were worse than others, today was going to be a bad one.  Itachi’s birthday, today was not one to leave the house… everything so raw he couldn’t bear it.  Even the Hokage seemed to know; she never gave him any missions or duties and always arranged that he be in the village on this day.  When he was young, before the massacre, he looked forward to this day even more than his own birthday.  It was a special day unlike any other, every year on this day Itachi and he snuck off, leaving family and duty behind.  Sometimes they’d go to one of the food booths around the center of the village… sometimes they’d go swim… but no matter what they did it was the time with Itachi, unburdened by responsibilities and obligations was what he valued most.

 

He always loved his brother… more than anyone else in his life.  The knowledge that he killed him ate mercilessly at him; it had almost driven him insane with grief when he fully realized what he’d done. ‘ _What if…_ ’ ‘ _If only…”_ none of these thoughts or longings changed what happened.

 

Even the knowledge that Itachi had wanted it… wanted to finally be free of the terrible curse of what he’d been ordered to do… even that did not help ease the agony.  Sasuke had let go of the anger when Naruto had convinced him to return, let go of his hatred for the Leaf village and the monsters who ordered the slaughter of his clan… they were long dead, the last had died before his return, his chance to confront the men responsible had been taken from him by time.

 

All that was in the past now, but on this day more than others it was fresh once more.  Although he let go the fury he’d felt at the leaders of the Leaf village he could never let go of the horrible reality.  All the dreams of his youth, of one day working beside his brother, sharing their lives and enjoying his companionship… now an open wound, the loss of everything he’d ever wanted, ever dreamed about.

 

In the end it was more his own fault than any others, he’d taken it all from himself with his ‘vengeance’ on his brother.  Sasuke heard someone approach his bedroom door, broken out of his self recrimination by the sound; he glared at the heavy wood door fiercely like everything that was wrong was somehow its fault.  Everyone knew to stay away on this day, who dared intrude on his mourning?!  Who dared enter his family’s home?!  But no one knocked, a note slipped beneath the door then Sasuke heard the footsteps echo down the stairs and a muffled thump of the front door closing.  

 

For several minutes Sasuke just looked at the paper, it was only with effort that he forced himself to care what was on it, the person was gone and that was all that mattered.  Crossing the room he picked up the slip and walked back to sit in the window with the note held loosely in his hand.  Although indifferent to its contents he never the less opened it.  It only had a few words, but they were as poignant as a long note… no, even more so. _“You are not alone. I care.”_

 

Sasuke looked out the window and saw the messy fair hair of his oldest friend and newest love; he sat beneath a tree in the court yard.  Naruto wasn’t looking at the house, did not expect anything… just wanted him to know he would be there, that he was not alone in his grief.  Suddenly Sasuke wanted more than anything to feel those warm loving arms enclose him, to feel the acceptance and understanding of someone who truly cared about him.  


\--

  
Naruto knew what day this was, every year he quietly watched the strong man break under the weight of his past, but this year he wouldn’t just wait quietly… this year Naruto would finally do something about it instead of just standing by like the rest of the village waiting to see if one of their most powerful Jounin would snap…

 

This year his painfully damaged friend would have support, know that he didn’t have to bear the horrors and pain alone.  He’d slipped the note under the door then returned outside, allowing the grief stricken man his privacy.  As he lay looking up at the sky he felt Sasuke’s approach, he did not turn his gaze from the sky even as the haunted man came to lie beside him.  As they both lay looking up at the slowly darkening sky the memory of the night Sasuke had come to sit beside him in the tree finally made sense.  Sasuke slipped his hand around Naruto’s.  After a moment Naruto drew him closer and slipped his arm beneath him to hold the quiet man close, some of the stiffness left the lean body and the silky black hair fell to hide Sasuke’s face as he turned his head into the warmth of Naruto’s chest and silently wept.

 

When his tears ended in the now full dark, Naruto could feel the stress ease from his companion’s body, they lay listening to the sounds of the crickets and a feeling of peace came over them as the stars slowly appeared in the sky.  
  
  
**A FAMILIAR UNEASYNESS  
**  
Their next date was when Sasuke asked Naruto to dinner at a very fine restaurant, as Naruto walked up the stairs his nervousness grew, he didn’t belong here…

 

\--  
  
Sasuke sat at the low table, his eyes drifting towards the door every few minutes, betraying the careful emotionless mask he hid behind.  He shouldn’t have shown up at the restaurant so early, but he’d wanted to make sure everything was perfect… and it was.  The intimate lighting and unobtrusive soft music gave an air of privacy.  Although he was in public Sasuke felt anonymous, no one was interested in watching him, here he was no one special… it was relaxing.

 

\--  
  
Naruto entered the restaurant, it was much more extravagant than any of the places he’d ever been, lavish and every inch tasteful opulence, from ceiling to floor displaying only the highest quality.  Naruto wanted to slip back out the door, he wanted to fidget nervously, he wanted… well it didn’t matter what he wanted, this was where Sasuke wanted to meet and he wouldn’t do anything to embarrass him.

 

He felt out of place, this upper society restaurant made him feel like a grubby child standing before the ruling body of the village… a feeling he knew all too well.  Naruto looked at his feet expecting to find them crammed into dirty, worn out sandals as they had been throughout his childhood.  The polished floor glowed warmly, satiny smooth wood that looked too fine to walk on.

 

Naruto slipped off his shoes placing them neatly beside the other ornate footwear, they looked as awkward and out of place as he was.  As he slipped into the luxurious house shoes the hostess appeared at his elbow making Naruto flinch, although he’d been able to refrain from jumping at her sudden appearance he was too nervous and hadn’t been able to refrain from that small reaction.

 

The hostess politely ‘did not notice’ his reaction, her polished smile never wavered. “Welcome. You must be Mr. Uchiha’s guest.” Naruto mutely nodded, _Mr. Uchiha_ … “I will show you to his family’s table.”

 

The elegantly dressed woman waved gracefully towards the inner restaurant, indicating she wanted him to follow her. “The Uchiha family has been a valued patron of our establishment since it’s opening over 50 years ago.” As they walked through the main room towards the private rooms, Naruto subtly glanced around at all the exquisitely dressed people, all secure in their wealth… they were like a different species, a higher class of humans… elite and perfect… he didn’t belong here in his cheap cotton dress pants and generic button down shirt, among their silks and fine linen garments.  

 

Naruto’s attention turned to the staff, even beside them he looked like a mutt among purebreds; it seemed to emphasize how improper his visit to the fine establishment was.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke saw the normally easy-going man’s uncertainty as he was escorted into the semi-private room.  Inside he cursed himself; this hadn’t been a good idea.  How could he forget that this would be well outside Naruto’s ‘comfort zone’, sitting in the same building as all those who had looked down on him throughout his childhood.  He was nearly as pale as his sun bleached hair and looked like he was ready to bolt.

 

Sasuke didn’t blame him, doing his best to put him at ease he rose and waved to the seat beside his own. “Please sit Naruto. I’m glad you came.”

 

Naruto gave him a weak smile as they sat down at the table. “I’m sure the food is wonderful…”   


\--

  
The woman Naruto had mistaken as the hostess had stayed and was now kneeling to the side of the room waiting to serve them… private wait staff.  Naruto glanced over at her; the woman’s attentive gaze had not left Sasuke since they’d entered the room and now she took a bottle from the tray in the corner of the room.

 

\--  


Sasuke noted that his personal attendant had selected a fine quality Sake, carefully pouring the clear fluid she placed a cup before each man and knelt patiently waiting for Sasuke’s approval of the drink.  Sasuke sipped the intense, fiery liquid but it was quickly clear Naruto was unfamiliar with the drink; his quick gulp resulted in a gasp that sent the scorching alcohol into his lungs.  He coughed violently as he tried to regain his breath and set the cup down hard upon the table, the clear fluid sloshing out of the delicate porcelain cup to dampen the expensive wood table.

 

\--  
  
Naruto’s face heated as he caught his breath, Sasuke’s hand rested on his arm, his eyes full of concern. “I’ve never had sake…” Naruto murmured, dropping his gaze to the puddle of alcohol he’d created beside his cup, unwilling to raise his eyes and see the scorn on both the ‘hostess’ and Sasuke’s face.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke cupped the distressed man’s honey gold cheek, urging Naruto to look at him. When the chagrined eyes met his own he apologized, “I’m sorry, this has all been wrong. I didn’t think… I just wanted everything to be perfect.”

 

Naruto gave a small reassuring smile, forced cheer evident in his tone as he insisted “It’s all very beautiful…”

 

Sasuke shook his head; no it had all gone wrong he should have thought this out better. He started to rise to his feet urging, “Come on we’ll go somewhere a bit more… relaxed.”

 

He wanted more than anything to show his colleague how much he valued him, needed him, he wouldn’t let this wreak their date. Naruto caught his arm, the unexpected warm firm touch on Sasuke’s arm sent a spike of need through him, a fact the guiless blonde seemed oblivious to.   


\--

  
“No. It’s ok. I was just… surprised.  It will be ok, please sit.”  Naruto was not going to make Sasuke feel like he couldn’t go places because of his ‘uncultured companion’.  No, he’d learn… he’d watch and copy the other diners until he could behave as he was supposed to, he wouldn’t embarrass Sasuke again.

 

Sasuke nodded, an enigmatic look on his face as he sat completely once more.  While they’d been talking the hostess had unobtrusively slipped forward, cleaned the spill from the table and refilled Naruto’s cup, now she knelt quietly waiting once more.  

 

Although she’d attempted to remove the traces of his blunder Naruto could see the lighter area where the tables finish had been damaged by his actions, it was a grim reminder of how close he was to being a source of shame for his friend, a warning he would not ignore.  


\--

  
Sasuke watched his somber peer throughout the meal, the way he glanced nervously out into the restaurant to watch others before doing the same with his food.  It was obvious he wasn’t having fun and Sasuke’s thoughts dwelled on how he could put the apprehensive man at ease… finally he decided that since the understandable and embarrassing mistake with the sake had caused this nervousness then an act of playful ‘error’ should be a relief of the stress, proof that perfection was not expected or something to be dwelled on… but what?  


\--

  
Naruto’s shoulders were stiff, his body tensed as if for battle… but he was more afraid now than he’d ever been in battle. What if Sasuke decided he was just too oafish… too unsophisticated… No, he would do anything to prevent that. Perhaps Sakura would teach him. The uneasy blonde gave Sasuke a hesitant smile and Sasuke returned it with the slight curve of his lips that Naruto knew was his version of a smile.  


\--

  
When the Custard Purin arrived Sasuke knew what he could do… he reached across the table to dip his finger in the sugary sauce.  The feeling of doing something so totally taboo brought an unexpected spike of excitement and his lips curved in a little smirk as he drew his finger back and sucked the sticky sweet coated finger.

 

Although it was intended as a way to relax Naruto, his action had an unexpected effect.  The sky blue eyes blazed with desire as he watched Sasuke’s mouth… then Naruto reached over and dipped his finger in the syrup as well, but not to suck the caramel from his finger.

 

Naruto’s passionate gaze never left his as he traced Sasuke's lips with it, then leaned forward to lick the sweet sauce from them.  Sasuke groaned softly as his hands whipped up to draw the other man closer, he’d never felt anything so erotic in his life… he could picture the sensual man’s body against his, the soft feel of his skin under his fingers as he caressed him.   


\--

  
The passion in the deep black of Sasuke’s eyes drew an immediate hunger in Naruto and what started out as just mischief turned to something more. It ceased to matter where they were, the only thing he saw was Sasuke. The taste of his lips… and the vehemently longed for feel of that hot ivory flesh pressed against him.  Then the sounds of the other families in the restaurant seeped through and both men drew back.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke beckoned the wait staff over and signed the slip to place the meal on the family account, his mind barely registering the abruptness of his actions.  It was time to leave, it had become too difficult to remain in emotionless control when looking into the seduction of Naruto’s eyes and where as his dinning here drew no interest, physical displays such as they had began to do would definitely draw unwanted attention.

 

“Are you ready to go?” Sasuke carefully inquired. Naruto nodded, it was clear that he was in agreement, this was not the time or place for such activities and he was equally uncomfortable by the unneeded audience.

 

\--  
  
They left the restaurant nearly hand in hand, their bodies so close that their stride matched perfectly and for the first time tonight Naruto didn’t feel out of place, having Sasuke at his side he no longer cared what anyone thought when they looked at him. When they arrived at the stairwell of Naruto’s apartment building Sasuke leaned in to kiss him, but then hesitated and drew back, “I’m sorry.” Although the gorgeous Nin had backed away he now took Naruto’s hand in his, the long elegant fingers stroking his calloused palm.

 

\--  
  
The reclusive man could hear the sounds of others walking around in the building perhaps even coming their direction in a few moments, he felt too exposed here.  He’d seen the disappointment on Naruto’s face as he withdrew from him once more and without thought asked, “Will you come home with me?”

 

His companions beautiful cerulean eyes widened slightly in surprise, but there was no hesitation to his nod of acceptance.  Sasuke didn’t know why he’d asked, he never invited anyone to his home…it was more than just sexual attraction.  There was no doubt that it was as hard for him as his outgoing friend to constantly refrain from reaction, but the desire was only a small part of the cryptic reason.  In the Uchiha complex they’d be completely alone, no eyes watching their every move, maybe then he could understand why it felt so natural for Naruto to come there...

 

\--  
  
The walk to Sasuke’s house was a whirlwind of surreal images, he heard and saw the people as they passed them, but it was as if Naruto was in another world, a world where only they were actually real.  As they entered the privacy of the complex their hands met and fingers intertwined, Naruto felt like nothing could ever feel as perfect as Sasuke’s touch.

 

When they reached the door to the house in which Sasuke lived he paused at the door, giving Naruto a questioning look, as if to ask if he was sure, Naruto barely withheld a laugh… Sure?! Hell he’d been fantasizing about this for years!  Ever since the first day he’d seen Sasuke at the hot springs… everyone thought it was thoughts of Sakura that had made him blush… the sulky, enigmatic teen had been sexy even way back then.  Now with his body matured he was breathtaking he was so sexy.  Sasuke saw the twitch of his lips and amusement in his gaze at the question and continued inside, pulling the delighted man behind him into his room.  
  
  
**RELEASING THE PAST, GRASPING THE FUTURE**  
  
Sasuke drew his lover close, kissing him as his hands slipped over Naruto’s body cupping and massaging the hard ridges of his muscles through his clothes, but even as needy as he was he still felt uncertain.

 

He hadn’t had a lover in many years; it was too hard to keep his heart separate from his body, but this time he wouldn’t need to.  This time he could let himself go, believe his heart would not be broken.  Naruto wouldn’t betray him… Sasuke stilled. Betray… for so many wasted years he’d thought his brother had betrayed him when he killed their clan.

 

Naruto’s fingers brushed tenderly over his chest, slowly releasing the buttons of his shirt, baring his skin to the cooler air of the room and causing his nipples to pebble. Then began placing light adoring kisses over his throat and for once Sasuke was glad to have his thoughts clouded as his need grew stronger and he gave into the pleasure of Naruto’s touch.  


\--

  
Naruto had felt the slight tension that had crept into his lover's posture and his hand brushed over the lithe man’s exquisite skin.  Although done in comfort, the motion drew a barely audible gasp, his eyes leapt up to Sasuke’s face, the half lidded eyes… the slight part of soft coral lips, a bare whisper of warm breath… he was beautiful!  He wasn’t sure Sasuke would like being called beautiful, but he was, not in an effeminate way... but too perfect to be of this world. 

 

For over half his life Naruto had wanted to do this, he’d longed to touch him before he even knew what it was he felt.  So many times over the years he yearned to taste those bewitching lips, to trace the pink flesh with his finger… with his tongue.  Naruto gave a needy groan as he finally got to do what he’d only fantasized about.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke met his kiss with a fiery passion and when they drew back from the kiss Naruto’s cheeks were lightly flushed, his breathing rapid.  The sight of his sexy lover, the very feel of the seductive man's body pressed against him filled him with need.  This was everything he wanted, he felt a freedom he hadn’t felt in years and it fed his growing desire.  He embraced Naruto, cupping his head and continued devouring his mouth.  Only briefly drawing back enough so Naruto’s hands could caress up his chest to his shoulders and brush his shirt off to fall on the floor.

 

\--  
  
This was more than Naruto ever dreamt was possible, the feel of the man he’d desired for so long truly in his arms… nirvana.  His every nerve aflame with the intensity of his longing, it was hard to resist the urge to ravish his sensual peer, but this man was more important than any physical need.  He wanted Sasuke to feel how greatly he cherished him, needed him in everyway... he wanted to heard his joy and know it was he that was bringing those cries of ecstasy from the man he loved.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke could feel Naruto’s hard length against his equally needy member, but the experienced man did not push him. Every step was one where Sasuke led and he followed, as if he was willing to let him take it as far as he liked but would not ask for more.  The idea that he was in control, that at any moment he could stop and the sensual blonde would accept it and go no further… accept his feelings without reservation, it was liberating, just the thought added to his fevered lust.  Even if he hadn’t been sure before he was now, this was who he wanted... Naruto. To feel this connection, this passion with the man who'd stood beside him and never gave up on him.

 

Sasuke’s hands slid under the entrancing Blonde's shirt and removed it, his fingertips returning and immediately grazing over the tawny-brown skin.  He could feel the quiver of his lover's hot body against him, the intense pleasure just those tame strokes had caused.  Sasuke’s hand slipped up to circle his nipple and was rewarded by the eager buck of Naruto’s cock against his.  To Sasuke’s fascination every revealed inch of flesh seemed to beg for his touch… All restraint was swept away as Naruto feverishly kissed him and ground against him, slow rotations of his hips teasing Sasuke’s eager erection.

 

\--  
  
When Naruto broke the kiss they were both breathless and painfully aroused, their cocks straining against the confinement of their pants.  Naruto looked for permission, for encouragement to continue, he wouldn't push him.  His fingers traced the tip of Sasuke's throbbing erection, he was willing to stop if he wished, but Sasuke nodded urging him to continue.  

 

Naruto sank to his knees before the sensual man, his fingers skillfully freeing his partner's swollen needy organ and removing all his remaining clothes.  He watched Sasuke’s face as his tongue flicked out to tease the flushed head, his desire growing at the sight of his lover’s reaction.

 

Sasuke moaned deeply, his eyes closing at the powerful waves of pleasure, his arousal eagerly approving of the action beaded with precum.  It was a temptation Naruto couldn’t ignore, his tongue circled the tip, flicking into the slit to gather the bead.

 

\--

 

The tease caused a wave of powerful lust to surge through him and Sasuke to cried out at the amazing sensation.  Then he drew his lover up to kiss him vehemently needing to feel those lips that brought him such pleasure and taste his enthralling lover's mouth.  As they kissed Naruto's hand slipped under to cradle Sasuke’s balls, giving feather light strokes that teased and left Sasuke yearning for more.  Then his finger lightly caressed the sensitive strip behind them, cautiously moving back to brush over Sasuke’s rim.

 

Sasuke broke the kiss and caught his breath sharply, his hips unconsciously bucking into the motion and driving the exploring digit into the tight heat of his body.  In spite of his skilled lovers intimate probing there was no impression that Naruto planned to top.

 

As Sasuke's hands caressed his firm ass, the blonde's hips rocked to rub Sasuke’s exploring fingers against his hot entrance… once more Naruto seemed content to let Sasuke choose what would happen.  This surprised Sasuke a bit, surely an experienced lover such as Naruto had a dominant or submissive personality?

 

\--  
  
Naruto he pressed back against Sasuke’s fingers, it wasn’t about top or bottom to him, never was.  It was only what pleasure his partner and himself wished to indulge in… and given that Sasuke had probably been a very long time between partners it may be best for Naruto to bottom, but it was Sasuke’s choice.

 

His ebony haired beloved would need extensive foreplay to prepare, time that would be ‘difficult’ at this time… his cock had to be painful with his need… but he would not do anything that would not bring his beloved pleasure.  Sasuke’s choice was made as his finger slipped into the welcoming embrace of Naruto’s ass.   
  
Naruto rocked slowly fucking himself on the teasing finger, then moaned loudly in pleasure as a second finger was added.

 

\--

 

Naruto was riding Sasuke’s digits in such a wanton erotic way… and the blissful cries of pleasure Naruto mewed quickly shredded his control.  He needed to sink his cock into that enticing ass, to feel their bodies connected.  Naruto had also reached a point that he wanted more and skillfully maneuvered him back into a sitting position on the bed.  Then straddled his lap, his hand cupping Sasuke's face as he kissed him passionately and his other hand guided Sasuke’s cock to his eager entrance.

 

As Naruto sunk down engulfing Sasuke's throbbing cock he continue kissing him hungrily.  Sasuke urgently moaned into their kiss, everything about the sensual man left him so aroused he trembled.  Then Naruto’s powerful thigh muscles raised him until the head of Sasuke's cock was barely in the tight canal, the silky grasp seemed to caress the sensitive flesh as the heat of his lover's body swallowed him once more.

 

\--  
  
Naruto was nearly crazed by the intensity of this union, nothing had ever felt like this, every nerve was alive with need.  The enraptured look on Sasuke’s face and the almost surprised sounding gasps and moans that came from his lips only fed the intense passion that surged through him.  Naruto sank deep and hard, taking Sasuke deep as possible into him, his fingers flexing and biting into the ivory flesh of Sasuke's shoulder as the dark haired man thrust up into every fall of his body, meeting him and increasing the sublime pleasure.

 

\--  
  
Sasuke gasped and panted, moaning in ecstasy.  The grasp of Naruto’s ass around his cock was the most divine sensation imaginable!  His hands grasped the tan hips hard enough to bruise, the pounding of their bodies climbing in intensity until Sasuke knew he couldn’t deny his release any longer.  Naruto arched into his last hard thrusts and the deep spear hit the perfect area inside him,  they both wailed their pleasure.  Naruto’s channel grasping and drawing with powerful contractions as he climaxed and Sasuke’s hips bucking into the enticement as the rippling muscles milked every last bit and left him sated.  The blonde's damp curls dusted his chest as Naruto bowed his head down, his forehead resting on Sasuke’s shoulder as he gasped for air, Sasuke hugged the amazing man tight to him enjoying the feel of his erotic lover's damp and heated flesh against his.

 

\--  
  
For several minutes they remained intimately embraced, unwilling to give up this connection, but reality won out and with a reluctant sigh Naruto lifted himself off Sasuke's lap and free of his cock.  They were a sweaty, sticky mess… and he never saw anyone as beautiful as Sasuke was at that moment.  All stress gone from his face, his was body relaxed and passion still darkened his eyes.

 

\--  
  
Naruto seemed to glow, the shimmer of sweat catching the sunlight and giving him a ethereal aura, his hair mussed in a way that only accented how truly bewitching he was.  As he rose from the bed Sasuke half truthfully teased, “What did I do to make you turn your angelic blue eyes my way?”  


\--

  
“Angelic?” Naruto smiled lovingly and shook his head in wonder, he could never have imagined one day he’d be looking into the eyes of the man he loved so deeply and seeing love for _him_ shinning there. “I don’t know when I fell in love… it just happened… you drew me like a magnet.  I couldn’t resist you even before I knew why…” the blondes smile turned mischievous. “Maybe it was when you kissed me all those years ago. The first day at the academy.”  
  
Sasuke gave a amused snort, “If I remember right it was you that kissed me.”

 

Naruto’s eyes widened innocently. “Like this?” He leaned in and kissed Sasuke softly.

 

Sasuke’s eyes darkened with desire, but his voice remained calm. “Yes… perhaps it was your kiss.  Although it did earn you a beating from all the silly girls there, I was actually glad it hadn’t been one of them… I despised them for their brainless obsession, they knew nothing about me, only judged me on my looks.”  
  
Naruto studied his face, the revulsion that was clear on the normally impassive man was unmistakable.  The girls obsession may have been one of the many reasons Sasuke had rejected even the slightest familiarity with anyone… of course the slaughter of his clan was the greatest.  Naruto had been a small boy when it happened… lonely just like Sasuke, if only they could have somehow been there for each other.  


\--

  
Sasuke waved toward the shower, “Go ahead, you can shower first.”

 

Naruto gave him a curious look, then turned walking into the bathroom.  Sasuke watched the flex of his muscles as he moved and swore he’d never seen anyone as sexy as his lover, the lithe way he walked was so fluid it was like every part of his body was in perfect sync with each other.  


\--

  
Naruto looked at the immense shower area… it was the size of his whole bathroom of his apartment!  He started the water and gazed appreciatively at the multi-head shower, soft jets of water coming from all sides as well as above.  He wondered why Sasuke would wait to shower, there was ample room… you could comfortably fit 4 people in it.

 

Naruto chuckled softly at the thought before thinking about Sasuke once more, he probably wasn’t used to showering with someone or maybe he’d assumed that Naruto would wish to shower alone… it wouldn’t hurt to invite him, he could say no. “You have a very large shower… would you like to shower with me?”  


\--

  
Sasuke gave a little sheepish smile, he hadn’t thought about that… they’d just had sex it was hardly a leap to share a shower. Sasuke walked in to the bathroom and came up behind the alluring blonde, enjoying the way his body brushed Naruto’s as he cupped him from behind, was more than sexual... it felt so good, so right to be holding him.

 

He nuzzled the extraordinary man's sensitive tan throat and felt him shiver, a soft sigh escaping, “Mmmm...Sasuke.”

 

The sound of Naruto's voice, the passion in it as he murmured his name, sent a strong current of desire through the dark-haired man even though his body was sated.  The stunning blonde turned to face him.  Sasuke marveled once more at the smooth caramel of his skin, with the Kyuubi within him there would never be any scars to mar this perfect body…

 

“I can’t believe you are smiling that incredible smile at… me; that you love me.” Sasuke murmured, his lips pressed to Naruto’s forehead in a kiss.

 

Naruto gently pushed him back, the enchanting cobalt blue of his eyes bright with the intensity of his feelings, “You… only you. You are the one I want, the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life.”

 

\--  
  
Naruto searched Sasuke’s eyes, needing to see the love there, the deep love that he felt for him mirrored his lover's eyes.  He gave a soft smile then caught Sasuke’s hand and drew him into the warmth of the showers spray with him.  Dampening a cloth he began washing him, his hands stroking over the pale skin feeling every curve of muscle appreciatively.  The pleasure of touching him was emotionally gratifying in so many ways, he felt connected to him, intimate in an entirely different way than during sex… a way no less fulfilling.  He was filled with contentment… then fear, what if this was just a date, no more... Maybe Sasuke didn’t feel this bond… would he grow bored and walk away just as all his other lovers had?

 

\--  
  
Sasuke see the way his lover withdrew timidly into himself, "Naruto?"

Although his beloved gave him a smiled it was strained and he softly murmured, "It frightens me how deeply I love you..."  
  
The feel of Naruto in his arms brought peace... it felt like something had been missing until now.  All those years wasted, alone and in pain, his life had been incomplete and he never understood why.  Holding Naruto in his arms he felt, whole, complete for the first time. Years of terrible loneliness... he needed Naruto, he always had he just refused to accept it, he needed the pure absolute love Naruto offered him.  All this time he'd yearned for a better life, Naruto was offering that and more.... he didn't deserve this man, his absolute faith and trust.   
  
"You are who I've been looking for all my life... I never knew what it was I was missing, why my heart ached... why life seemed so empty." Sasuke held his lover tight in his arms, as if he was afraid someone would steal him away. "You are what I needed, what I desired, to give my life hope once more.  I won't let you go, come stay here with me."

 

Naruto's smile as he nodded and embraced him was the most wonderful thing he'd ever seen... and he hoped to see it every morning from this day forward.

=====================  
  
THE END


End file.
